i was so ashamed,all alone and so far away. but now i know that He's been waiting for this day..

i still cant decide where to go. why does everyone give me different answers when i ask them where to go? why dont they support me in going there? i mean like what's wrong with it right? i dont think it's a waste of time at all. if you think it's a waste of time, it means that hundreds and thousands of people out there are also wasting their time as well. or is it the fact that you look down on me? if you do just say it. dont beat about the bush. in the first place, why did i get this kind of results? i could have done better in art and english. maybe i just didnt put in much effort in it. maybe i dodnt any effort in it at all. but it's over. at least i'm pleased with my science, maths, combined humanities and history results. thank you God. bleah. what different does it make if i go to one place and not the other? i'd still finally end up at the same place right. why does my mind say one thing and my heart, another? i dont want to make anyone angry whatsoever, and that includes you. why do you keep insisting on that only choice? maybe you just dont understand everything at all. maybe you just didnt make it. darn. why am i saying all these? why do i always have to listen to you? why do you always sound as if you're always right? cant you just support me for once? darn. this whole thing really sucks. there's something wrong with my brain. it seems stuck somewhere, as though it's in a mesh cage, trying very hard to squeeze through the tiny holes. unfortunately the holes are too small and my brian is cant get out. why does she give me so many options? why are you so kind to me? this makes it so difficult to say no to you. but yet if i say yes, it'll all be against my wishes.. or have just wasted a golden opportunity if i said no? why do things always happen this way? why do things always have to be so difficult for me and easy for others? why do you always insist?oh well. the decision still lies in my hands. but i dont have much time left. darn.

readers, this entry is not meant to be understood by anyone but myself and God.

TheServant

10:29 AM