i feel sian and lonely. the house feels strangely cold and empty without mom around. i really really miss her. )o: i miss all the funny antics and the things that she'll say in hokkien and the wrong things she'll say which are absolutely hilarious. bahh. if she doesnt get a flight back on the 24th, she'll have to come back only in may. bahh. on monday my dad's leaving for the land of sausages and beer - bauma, germany. that's like a double whammy! bahh. but the good thing about it is that i hope he comes back with sausages and beer. gosh i love beer :) yaye i'm no longer underaged. i'm oldd.

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sometimes i feel like i'm a replacement as a friend. i really hate this feeling. sometimes i try hard to make myself available but somehow i think some people take me for granted. maybe i should just start retreating back into my own shell and not come out unless they knock my dooor really really hard. i should start drawing my curtains shut once again because i try to be more open but people dun really care. so why bother. this sucks. totally. i need an escape.