i kind of regret doing this project. it's so last minute and yet they keep making me do so many changes and amendments and additions to the stupid thing. i dont blame them that the concept and all has to be there, but please! i hate it when people tell me the bloody wrong instructions in the beginning and at the eleventh hour ask me to make changes. that shit pisses me off.


*****


i've been thinking a lot lately and i think maybe no one gives a damn about me at all. i go out with people and all they talk about is themselves, and things of their own interest and make you take interest in it. i try to share something with them and even though i havent completed what i planned to say, they'd look away, or they'll start looking at their phone or they'll say 'oh' or 'uh huh' or 'okay..' and quickly change the subject. by this time, i'd have given up trying to say what i wanted to say. sometimes they'll pretend to understand and seem interested when they're obviously not, and say something real stupid after that. i observe people a lot. maybe if i were to die now, no one would realise that i'm gone. why? because i'm just like an item you store in your cupboard. when you need it, you take it out to use, and then return it once you're done with it. you forget all about it till you next need it. you wouldnt know if termites have been attacking it because you have forgotten about it or dun care because you can always get a new one. if it is spoilt, you just throw it away.


ok maybe i'm just another selfish person.

i want to leave the country. i want to leave everything here and go away for a month. no one bothers anyway. i should just follow my mom to china.

bahh.