More Than Life

2007-05-20T22:04:00.000+08:00

ok i am finally back after. ben says that my blog is becoming dusty already.

perhaps the biggest health thing i've had for the past 18 coming to 19 years of my life is my fainting on thursday. and because of that, i've got a nasty bump on my forehead because i was walking and my head hit a door. my health has been deteriorating quite rapidly. people say that it's because i've been doing too many things. maybe it's true. but i dont really feel it cos it has developed into a routine and everyday is just 'normal lor'. i'd very much like to give myself a break, but i hate to run away from my commitments - my cg, guitdg, ymca etc. sure you know what commitments are. i hate the feeling of having to back out when the meeting has already been set. bah.

my birthday's next sunday. i'm not particularly excited about it. this year the most important think i want is for my health to be restored. how's that for a birthday present from God. it feel totally sucky to be tired and shitty the whole day. there's only one reason to be excited about my birthday. it's cos it marks the beginning of my first official school holiday of the year. how kind of my school to give us a school holiday only in june and for only one month!!

the one thing that i fail terribly horrifically which all other girls ace is shopping. but it's also not my fault. i find it very difficult to walk into a shop and look for something which suits me cos whenever i walk into a shop, all the colours, patterns on the clothes, the music, the lighting overwhelm me and makes me feel dizzy. looking at so many things at one time gives me a headache sometimes the music makes it worse. i hate it when i've to flip the apparel in and out just to look for the size label and the price tag. that totally puts me off cos it causes me great inconvenience and chances are i wont buy that piece at all. why cant they freaking be more straight forward in informing people about the price so that we can make up our minds on the spot. another thing that puts me off is that i'm always under the watchful eye of the sales assistants that lurk in every corner of the shop. they watch our every movement like a cctv and rushes to the rescue when the shoe we've just placed back on the shelf is 1mm too much to the right. and do i need your assistance? thanks but no thanks. because you dun even know your products at all. thanks for trying to be helpful.

ok i better end this post before i become angrier.

2007-05-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

2007-05-01T16:12:00.000+08:00

1. today is labour's day, a public holiday. what is one day of labour day holiday compared to hundreds of other days slogging it out out there. bah.

oh i actually miss going to work!

2. last night i had a scintillating chat with my colleague about how to kill pests, which include lizards, cockroaches and of course, never ever ever fogetting the humongously enormous juicy snails that are always around to spy on you. now they all know that i'm a merciless snail killer :)

3. i havent settled on what i want to do for my photography class. we've 3 sets of readings to read and of which, i've only completed one. better be done before thursday comes!

4. may is such a birthday month, which inlcudes mine. :)

2007-04-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

i'm quite pleased because yesterday i bought an illustration book from page one. the first since i last bought my sec 4 text books. yaye.

i think work has been getting better, or so i hope. i really thankGod for the favour from my boss and my colleagues. they're really nice people and i'm beginning to enjoy my time there, though i dun get paid peanuts, but peanut shells. i think it's quite rare that interns get to do real jobs, rather than just helping the others do their stuff.

i just read a book by torey hayden entitled ghost girl. and honestly, i'm a little disturbed by the content of it. basically it's about a little 8 years old girl who was sexually abused because of some satanic occult rituals i think. the way she described the sexual abuse are excruciatingly vivid and visual persons like me cant help but visualise it over and over again. oh man. and yes, there was a part where they made her lie down, topless, and they put her cat over her body. then someone pulled the cat's front legs and another pulled the backlegs until the cat was literally torn into two, with the guts spilling out and blood oozing all over her body and face. absolutely too grotesque and disgusting a sight to behold. but it was unsure if it really happened or it was just a hallucination because the girl was drugged and no evidence was found to support her claims. how terrible.

2007-04-21T23:46:00.000+08:00

i led worship today, finally, after a few months long hiatus because i was always playing guit or was chairperson for the day. i was so worried that i didnt prepare enough for the technical aspect of it, but it doesnt matter, as long as our hearts are prepared for Him. its been a really long time since i felt the presence and love of God strong. i teared. i closed my eyes and peace and warmth overwhelmed me from within. i wish time just stood still. :)

******

this afternoon i had a fun time making bread pizza over at ttm's. it was an imaginary cooking show but ttm said that if itwere to be for real, the show would surely be a failure because we were too slow and forgot to preheat the oven. hah!

******

i love galavanting:)

2007-04-21T12:09:00.000+08:00

i feel sian and lonely. the house feels strangely cold and empty without mom around. i really really miss her. )o: i miss all the funny antics and the things that she'll say in hokkien and the wrong things she'll say which are absolutely hilarious. bahh. if she doesnt get a flight back on the 24th, she'll have to come back only in may. bahh. on monday my dad's leaving for the land of sausages and beer - bauma, germany. that's like a double whammy! bahh. but the good thing about it is that i hope he comes back with sausages and beer. gosh i love beer :) yaye i'm no longer underaged. i'm oldd.

*********

sometimes i feel like i'm a replacement as a friend. i really hate this feeling. sometimes i try hard to make myself available but somehow i think some people take me for granted. maybe i should just start retreating back into my own shell and not come out unless they knock my dooor really really hard. i should start drawing my curtains shut once again because i try to be more open but people dun really care. so why bother. this sucks. totally. i need an escape.

2007-04-17T23:35:00.000+08:00

today has been a great day! firstly because i learnt new things, and secondly because i got to go home really early. we left the office at 1 plus today and headed down to singapore press holdings in toapayoh for a workshop on how to prepare our files when we do ads used for print in newspapers. it was quite an eye opener cos i didnt know there were so many specifications to follow just for one add to be printed in the papers. i was also introduced to quite a handful of new prepress terms. quite surprised i didnt see anyone from my school though. i'll prollly see them next week at the adobe cs3 launch.

cant you believe it? i reached home at 510 today. isnt it great?!

2007-04-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

i am disappointed and appalled.

God, why did it end up that way?

*****

God, be strong in my weakness.

2007-04-14T22:43:00.000+08:00

ok here's a short one. maybe afterall, all these people going overseas thing has done me more good than anything else. i've realised that i've actually been depending a lot on people i love so much, and it's only when they're gone for weeks at a time that i realise how badly i've been taking these people for granted. they're the people i meet and hang out with so often. they're like always at my convenience. when they're gone is when you realise that you're now all alone to solve your own problems. it's like standing in the middle of an empty street all alone and not know where to go and what to do.

when s left for europe i felt so lonely, so abandoned. there're some things about her that i cant do without. i've become so accustomed to it. now my mom's overseas and i feel a lot worse. i take her too much for granted. really. everyday i expect her to be home to be there for us. i realised how much i need her. i even asked God why must she be posted overseas for work. i thought about how Jesus must have felt when he was on that tree. he took my sins and sorrows and made them his very own. that's how much He loves us. i realised how much more lonely and afraid he must have been. it must be 10 millions times worse than how i've been feeling. and he just cried out to his father in heaven.

through this, God has reminded that all these things are but temporal. all these things will one day fade away. all we need is Him. He demands nothing from us. not grades, not achievements, not how much we tithe, not anything, but 'for the human heart, raw and unconcealed. he demands for it unconditionally... and those who sincerely seek after Him will experience His love'.

For me it was in the garden

He prayed: “Not My will, but Thine.”

He had no tears for His own griefs,

But sweat drops of blood for mine.

2007-04-14T21:21:00.000+08:00

ripped this from a friend's blog. supposed to answer in one word but heck.

1. Where is your cell phone? beside me charging
2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend? just friends la
3. Your hair? messy as usual
4. Your mother? land of mao
5. Your father? snoring
6. Your favourite item? shitty
7. Your dream last night? too tired to dream
8. Your favourite drink? i love beer
9. Your dream car? volvo xc 90 red or silver
10. The room you are in? bedroom
11. Your ex? exhumed
12. Your fear? not meeting expections
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? a mightier warrior in Him
14. Who did you hang out with last night? grommit
15. What you're not? short
19. The last thing you did? talked to mommy on skype:)
20. What are you wearing? clothes? what if i said i'm not wearing anything?
22. Your favourite book? notebook?
23. The last thing you ate? friedn hokkien prawn mee
24. Your life? mad
25. Your mood? missing someone
26. Your friends? several
27. What are you thinking about right now? mommy, of course. who else
28. Your car? no licence yet. dun talk about cars
29. What are you doing at the moment? pondering
30. Your summer? its summer all year round in sunny singapore
31. Your relationship status? relation with who?
32. What is on your TV? huh what tv? heh
33. When is the last time you laughed? after cell. mel and ttm were hilariously crazy
34. Last time you cried? after i talked to mom
35. School? bahh.

there.

2007-04-12T23:43:00.000+08:00

sometimes i dunno why i'm writing here when no one reads it at all. furthermore i'm not good at writing cos i cant put my thoughts into words. bleaugh.

thank God today has been better than yesterday. i always want a today to be better than yesterday.

2007-04-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

i kind of regret doing this project. it's so last minute and yet they keep making me do so many changes and amendments and additions to the stupid thing. i dont blame them that the concept and all has to be there, but please! i hate it when people tell me the bloody wrong instructions in the beginning and at the eleventh hour ask me to make changes. that shit pisses me off.

*****

i've been thinking a lot lately and i think maybe no one gives a damn about me at all. i go out with people and all they talk about is themselves, and things of their own interest and make you take interest in it. i try to share something with them and even though i havent completed what i planned to say, they'd look away, or they'll start looking at their phone or they'll say 'oh' or 'uh huh' or 'okay..' and quickly change the subject. by this time, i'd have given up trying to say what i wanted to say. sometimes they'll pretend to understand and seem interested when they're obviously not, and say something real stupid after that. i observe people a lot. maybe if i were to die now, no one would realise that i'm gone. why? because i'm just like an item you store in your cupboard. when you need it, you take it out to use, and then return it once you're done with it. you forget all about it till you next need it. you wouldnt know if termites have been attacking it because you have forgotten about it or dun care because you can always get a new one. if it is spoilt, you just throw it away.

ok maybe i'm just another selfish person.

i want to leave the country. i want to leave everything here and go away for a month. no one bothers anyway. i should just follow my mom to china.

bahh.

2007-04-10T23:43:00.000+08:00

today i took half day leave from work to send my mom off at the airport. thank God i was allowed to. i cant believe my mom has already left for china for her first ever business trip. it feels so awkward here at home without her presence. i cant bare the thought of my mom all alone in a foreign country. it makes me feel guilty and selfish that i cannot be there to accompany her. man it's gonna be a long 15 days. i miss mommy already. no, i missed her the moment she passed through the glass wall that separated us at the customs. God, please take care of mom.

cries.

2007-04-09T23:42:00.000+08:00

today i faced the computer monitor for 14 hours. my eyes are popping out. and i dun forsee the hours in front of the computer getting any shorter. that's a bad sign. bahh.

i absolutely abhor the woman that i've to report to at work. she's really such a !@#$%. is she stupid or what. she might be good technically, but i think she has totally no brains at all.

this week hasnt begun well. firstly, i lost my ez link card for the 3rd time, yesterday at the carpark at vivo. darn. i hate to admit it, but this is the second time this year i lost my ezlink card. one of my most important possession is my ezlink card. without it, going out would be such a chore.

work wasnt good today either. or rather, work hasnt been good since it started lst week. it's really quite boring and i havent quite gotten used to being in an office. it means sitting down at your desk the whole day doing your work. i dun really like such jobs that require so little movement. bahh. and of course, that woman doesnt help at all. i hope work gets better everyday.

my mom's leaving for china for 2-3 weeks plus tomorrow. i dun really like the idea of my mom travelling to a foreign country all alone. it worries me. quite a lot indeed. :O( 2-3 weeks is a long time. just like the time s was away, it seemed like eternity. at least my mom has a proper hotel to stay in. guess what. it's an exec suite in marriot sponsored by the company. i should go too man. bumm.

i've learnt to appreciate green tea icecream. and awwww.. i adore japanese red beans.

on saturday i went for my first real community project. it's different from the ones we had to go for to clock cip hours. it was a trip to the zoo with the people fromMINDS. all the other volunteers are paired up with one of the beneficiaries, or to put it in a nicer way, the participants. i wasnt assigned one cos i was the photographer for the day. this meant that i had the chance to walk around and mingle with everyone. it really touched and warmed my heart to see all the volunteers, mostly around the same age as me, putting their whole heart and soul into taking care of the folks from minds for the morning. it was all about putting aside your own selfish needs and desires and putting others before yourself. it was even more prevalent when it came to meal times and toilet breaks. the volunteers did every single chore without complain even though it meant getting themselves dirty, was inconvenient or tedious. it was all about sacrifice.

it showed me what servanthood really is.

i lay every burden down,at the foot of the cross.

2007-04-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

because He lives i can face tomorrow

because He lives all fear is gone

because i know i know He holds the future

and life is worth the living

just because He lives

Chorus:

At the cross I bow my knee,

Where Your blood was shed for me,

There’s no greater love than this.

You have overcome the grave,

Your glory fills the highest place,

What can separate me now?

Verse 2:

You go before me,

You shield my way,

Your hand upholds me;

I know You love me.

And when the earth fades,

Falls from my eyes,

And You stand before me,

I know You love me;

I know You love me.

these two songs couldnt mean more to me today.

2007-04-04T22:43:00.000+08:00

the first three days of work have been rather boring. i've never accomplished so many design jobs in a span of just three days. i did one advertisement, 3 counter talkers and 10 logos but they only have to choose one. if they're accepted, you can see them in the newspapers and in the airport. cool right. hehe. but this kind of office job is really boring. i start work at 9am and by 12 i feel like going out already. bahh. i just cant sit down at my desk the whole day and stare at the computer and keep doing work. i need to move about. and i can only pay attention in the morning. by lunch time, i cant really concentrate and think properly already. oh man. what am i going to do in future! but thank God the boss is good :) he personally made me sit beside him and teaches me stuff and skills that is required in the real world and is not taught in schools. see? going to a poly is better than a jc because you get such experiences as a student. so next time we'll know what to expect when we go and work for real. hahahaahahha. blahblahblah. i'm not truely blogging. i'm merely rambling about my boring life. bleauhg.

2007-04-01T21:03:00.000+08:00

oh man. internship starts tomorrow! i've got to reach the office at woodlands at 9. i really hope the people there are nice. the boss called and said that i've to bring my lappie tomorrow to show another of their staff my portfolio and i've to report to her/him. i'm abit scared. what if she thinks i'm not good enough?!! i must remind myself to bring my internship log book. we've to log in everything we do everyday and get the boss to sign it. gosh i hate such daily log books. eergh. okok. i must tell myself that i need to leave everything to God because He is already there before me. oh yes. i hope there're places to eat at that industrial park. cos the two times i've been there, i didnt see a coffeeshop in the vicinity. maybe i shall make myself a sandwichfor lunch tomorrow. oh no i'll be hungry. thinking about the sw folks having so many food stalls and minimarts near the office makes me feel sad. hahaha. grrr.

2007-03-31T00:09:00.000+08:00

i've always felt inadequate. like i'm not good enough. i dont reach standards. i never excel anything. i'm not good in math, science, music, art, sports. i'm mediocre. i dont like being mediocre. i want to be better. but i dunno how. i feel like i'm trapped in a box and i cant come out. S said that it's a common feeling. but somehow i've doubts about it. Maybe the best thing i can do to glorify God is to be a good friend to someone. but then again, glorifying God is not measured by stupid human standards and human capabilities.

++++++

i want to know that my efforts are appreciated. at least a thank you is good enough. i dun like it when i feel that i've been taken for granted because i dont like to do things for others half heartedly.
i want people to listen to me and not simply hear me. but most people that i know havent really mastered what you call effective listening yet :( that makes me sad.

++++++

cell outing tmr!! think it's gonna be exciting. smiles.

2007-03-30T13:06:00.000+08:00

i wish i could disappear from the surface of the earth just for one day and look down at all the people here on earth. just like how you play sims.

*******

sigh. today i think i'm going to stay at home the whole day. i absolutely hate it. i've become so accustomed to always being up and about, multi tasking, meeting deadlines, and using every bit of energy i have that now i feel so uncomfortable being at home with nothing to do. tsk. what makes it worse is that its going to rain, there's no one online to talk to and yes, i've nothing to do. bahh. i hate this feeling. maybe i could just play quadrapop the whole day. ergghh. i realised that the more i stay at home during the day, the more frustrated and irritated i'd feel. darn.

:0(

2007-03-29T13:15:00.000+08:00

my computer is damn slow. okay i made a pact with someone to not say the word damn, but that was to make my point. my computer is really very very extremely slow, which makes me feel frustrated all the time because i cannot do any proper thing without having to wait and wait and without the fear of the programming hanging and not responding. errgh. sometimes i really hate technology.

*****

i feel sian and shitty today. i dunno why and i can't explain. sigh.

2007-03-27T23:10:00.000+08:00

my internship's coming up next monday. if you're wondering where i'm working at, it's at a place 5km from the singapore zoo. its at mandai estate, an industrial park. the company's called media dimension. it is a design house, which does things like banners, ads, poster etc for the fnb industry, education companies etc. i'm rather excited about it, but yet a little nervous. i've many doubts about my capabilities and what the company expects from me, but i'm assured that with Him, all things are possible, and even faith as small as a mustard seed move mountains.

these days i've been going to the office more often because i'm having a one week break. i dunno why,but nowadays because i've been so accustomed to my busyness in school that i detest slacking at home. i used to love staying at home all day and do nothing, but now i get irritated easily if i'm home all day by myself with nothing to do. tsk tsk. i've been out doing things. it's good to take a break from school!

tomorrow i'm going to pl ceramics. yaye maybe i can make a new sculpture. hahh. gonna try a new bus route because i absolutely hate the 70 route that plys along yiochukang road. especially in the morning where the traffic is heavy.

i agreed to be a photographer for ymca's dunno what you called it. haha. it's this program where a group of volunteers (i think) would take a group of mentally disabled kids on nature walks and excursions. i've never done such community work before, besides the compulsory cip that we were made to do in secondary school. hehheh. yea so i feel excited about it. no in fact i feel quite honoured thati can use the skills i have acquired to contribute to the society. in chinese it is wei4 she4 hui4 gong4 sian4, i think. it's one of the few chinese phrases i still remember. i've always wanted a chance to do such a thing but never knew how i could go about doing it. so there i have it! :0)

my computer is too slow for my liking. help!! i'm getting irritated with it because it takes a super long time to crop an area of a photograph. and sometimes it'll just hang while in the midst of cropping. arrggh. maybe because i used a high megapix photograph that i took but still!! tried to dump lots of my picture files into my external hard disk. my 40gb hard disk is now half filled with my stuff. imagine how slow my comp would be if i saved all of it in my hard drive! oh yes. i think my hard disk is corrupted. sometimes it cant be opened. i've got to eject it and then plug it in again. darn. it takes at least 20 seconds just to open up a folder in the computer, and much longer for softwares to open. sigh. stupid computer. such a waste of time. a pity i'm no computer genius. >:0(

2007-03-26T11:30:00.000+08:00

i decided to remove my last post for the sake of those who havent watched phantom of the opera. just gonna tell you that its good and even more worth it if you buy the stall seats in the first 5 rows. :) heh heh.

2007-03-24T20:43:00.000+08:00

i feel frustated today. whenever there's yf coporate event, people just dont turn up. i know it's not the numbers that count, but still, i wish i knew why people in general just dun come for coporate events. i wish i knew their reasons behind it. i want to understand people more. i wish i knew all the answers to everything. i know only God can. but i think its an issue that has to be solved.

+++++

today i spoke to ben about ways to understand others. the difficult thing is that you've to apply a completely different set of formula to every individual in order to understand them better. not only do you have to use a different formula, you've to find out what the formula is yourself, which is the hard part. we all want to be understood. but its seldom that people are willing to invest their times in each others lives to get to know each other better. i guess its the singaporean culture that people just do what they think is best for them. they dont realise that friends can be more important than any other worldy things they're chasing after. so this year it is one of my goals to use my time more wisely and invest it in other people's lives. if a person suddenly goes, i dun want to regret not knowing that person more. i would think it would be a failure on my part as a friend.

+++++

i absolutely hate it when people when people make decisions based on their feelings or simply by saying i dunno. i know i'm guilty of it too and i am angry with myself whenever i dont think before answering. because most of the time i think it's just an excuse they use to cover up for other reasons they dont want to say or are just simply too lazy to explain their situation to you. it's just like an easy way out and i dun like it.

+++++

i want to be the best that i can be. but of course not without God! heh :)

2007-03-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

hello elaine!! you're reading rss feeds! haha

2007-03-23T19:30:00.000+08:00

coke is good if you want to stay up late at night. on tuesday night i had coke as my dinner beverage and despite me sleeping at 430am the night before and having a full school day and dg later at night, i still managed to stay up till 530am. isnt that a feat?!

anyway i've finished my last module before internship begins. which means i have eleven days of break. finally, after chionging like a mad bull for the last three. what a pity i didnt drink red bull if not i'd have flown.

today i wanted to do something special today. i wanted to buy moonpie from the shop at selegie. but it was horrifically crowded during the lunch time peak period that i decided to drop the idea. i shall save it for another day then.

i finally paid my library fines. it sums up to $10 plus in total. ok la. that's one third less of what i expected it would be. hah. and the reason why i decided to pay my library fines is because i needed to borrow a book urgently. pat me on my shoulders. hahh. i borrowed adobe indesign cs2 book. hope it's helpful.

i want to do something nice and special during this eleven days. think i'll go to art friend to get materials. secret!

i need to go buy clothes. someone please volunteer to go with me. please i beg you!

illustrator cs2 rocks man. livetrace is so cool! hahahaha. thanks mr koh for lending me the cd! :)

sometimes i wonder what on earth i'd be doing now if i chose to go to a jc instead. i cant imagine. i'm happy with where i am now. i'm thankful for my freelance opportunities that have been offered. i'm thankful for the experience that i've gained working in this field and studying at the same time while the other jc people my age studied like mad horses for their As. which is more valuable?!

oh man i want the pants from gap. argghh.

i've been eating the same salad for the past few weeks. how yucks is that. imagine having to eat lettuce, purple lettuce,carrot, cucumber and tomato for the past few weeks?! hmpf.

alright. enough randomness for a friday night. byebye

2007-03-21T03:43:00.000+08:00

it's 343am and i'm still sitting heredoing my work. the music on my lappie's playing but i'm not really paying any attention to it. after all it's 343am. yesterday night i barely had 3 hours of sleep and today i dont expect more sleep. i've got an assignment submission in school at 9, and a presentation at 3. and after that, it's all over! but for now, i'm still coming up with my designs.

***

this might sound self centered, sometimes i wish it would be more of me and less of others. sometimes i think i've been giving and giving and giving too much more than i receive. sometimes i feel people take me for granted. the energy bar is flashing and has turned from green to red. i like it when people show appreciation. that way i'll feel that my efforts are not in vain. quite clear what my love language is right. i havent talked to someone about me for quite some time. every conversation i've had these months have been either about them or someone else or something. i wish that someone would take the initiative to get to know me better. if only people cared and showed more love. i wish i didnt feel this way. now i know how you feel, i'm glad to have found a friend like you. i need more me time. i need to love myself more. i dont want to die and regret that i've not loved myself enough.

***

i know it sounds stupid, but i everytime i try to buy something nice for myself, i'd feel guilty and decide against buying it. only the once in a while would i buy a small treat for me and enjoy it all by myself in the bus on the way home. sigh. why am i like that. i really dun understand how people can spend money on things when i'll feel so so so guilty. why do i have to think so hard when i buy things? i can spend 10 minutes deciding on whether to buy the pen or not. sigh. why is so hard to do things?!! i'm frustrated.

***

God, please help me..

2007-03-18T17:38:00.000+08:00

i feel tired. not that i'm physically tired or what. but just tired. i feel like i've so many things to do and sometimes i dunno what i've to do but i know i need to do many things. maybe you dont understand what i'm talking about but nevermind.

on a happier note, i finally spent some money on hair wax this week :) an accomplishment indeed. i want to buy many things but i have yet to find the perfect one. i will think twice if i see something similar. i only want the perfect one.

here're the things i need to buy:
1. backpack with laptop compartment
2. shoulder bag that is a3-a2 size. must be colourful and durable
3. light coloured jeans
4. the blue with white stripes or white with blue vertical stripes pants from GAP. $98!
5. more tshirts for work
6. onitsuka tiger/asics sneakers
7. acoustic guitar strings [needed!]
8. belt that can match any pants
9. new specs
10. pants/jeans

2007-02-27T20:59:00.000+08:00

lately, i've been dead exhausted. the measurements given to me were incorrect so i had to cram redoing and coming up with 2 ideas and 6 different designs each within the weekends. that, coupled with the thousand and one other things that cassandra is always busy with is simply no joke man. and the thing is that the designs are only proposals! so i really really hope that my efforts wouldnt be put in vain and that we'll win the deal with that school. but even if we dont, it's not the money but the process of ideation and execution that really counts. at least i exercised my brains a little. heh.

2007-02-26T20:52:00.000+08:00

it's been an extremely long time since i last blogged. i wonder why. heh.

i think i injured my right shoulder. a couple of blue blacks here and there and my arm hurts in every position i move.

2007-01-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

i'm now in the basement listening to my parents singing karaoke and secretely laughing at them. okay la. actually my mom sings quite well. i love this basement. it's the next most comfortablest place in my house after my bed. i love it that the upholestry are all the same. the couch covers and the curtains. it's wonderful that the ceiling is wooden, which makes the place nice and cosy. the now rarely used mosaic floor tiling makes the basement cooler in humid sunny singapore. love the basement!

since now that i'm free, i shall do a sort of reflection about the past year, although now's already the fifth of january. okay where should i start? i think i'll just talk about my life in general. 2006 was a year of first times. for the first time i had a real job at sw. i have 3 special people to thank, namely ec, sk and hj for helping me along in all the projects i was involved in. it was the first time i got engaged by several people as a freelancer to do murals, illustration and graphic design jobs. these jobs earned me some disposable income, and of course more savings in my bank.

so with the money that i've saved, for the first time, i went on a real holiday to vietnam with two friends. just the three of us. i had a great time and did things i'd never do if i were with my parents. hehe. they're proper things okay. so dont think otherwise. hehh.

last year was the first time i didnt spend my birthday at home. i had it with my cell group when cos we had our first ever cell camp! it was a great birthday. i felt so loved and blessed by the girls and i was thoroughly touched by the talk show thing that wj organised with sk, sn, tm, gl, sc at night after i thought everything was over. i was overwhelmed. and the girls sang me birthday song 5 times. haha. it was truely an amazing day to mark the 18th year i've lived on earth. in addition, two lovely people brought me to watch sesame street-out of this world. yaye! i love.

above all these, the best thing that happened through the year is watching my sheeps grow in the Lord. it's fantastic how God works in them and through them in the things that they do, the ministries they serve in and the way they relate to others. it is truly by the grace of God. praise him :) i'm thankful for how far we've all grown together as a shepherd and sheep group, or shepherd and sheep and sheep and sheep alliance. i can safely and proudly say that we're the closest shepherd and sheep group. we have reached a level of trust and accountability that we can openly share about our lives and stuff. this takes the effort of all the members for all these to happen. i'm proud or serena chew mei jun, grace lee meiyan and tan tam mei. love you all to bits.

I’m also thankful for the new friendships that I’ve made and strengthening of relationships with others the past year. the hanging out, the money spent on eating and eating, the scoldings I got from my parents for coming back late… it was all worth it. I thank God for sending such angels in my life to teach and show me things I would have probably not known by myself, for opening my eyes to issues we’re facing or might face once we’re of age, talking rubbish and arguing about nonsensical things, current affairs, pointers on how to do stuff and how certain things function etc, erm.. and of course sharing with each other fabulous places to eat. Hahaha.

okay. so that was just a gist of last year. i'm too lazy to continue writing more things. so that's all for now. let's look forward to the year ahead. it'll be full of challenges but with the Lord, nothing is impossible and the battle is His!!!

2006-12-24T01:07:00.000+08:00

i just came back from viet yesterday and today i went to malaysia for an eating and shopping trip with my parents and sis. yaye. two more chops added in passport collection of chops. i think i went to malaysia 3 or four times this year. bleaugh.

as said earlier, i'm supposed to blog more about vietnam. okay now i shall but it'll be only in a few sentences cos i'm too lazy and i should start writing my christmas cards. if you want more info, you can read my poorly written travel journel.

ok. it was an enjoyble trip to the socialist republic of viet nam. if you take a budget airline, what you pay is what you get. so of course, besides the flight, you dont get anything else on the plane. not even plain water. anyway the ridethere was good. a little too short though. vietnamese food was good. i like the pho, something like beef noodles, the pancake with meat of prawns inside (think murtabak concept but nicer), the spring roll with transparent skin thingy, their seafood soup etc etc. of course they had food with strange names, like 'something something(cant rem the exact words) with jumping molusk' (the spelt it this way), or like 'fried noodles with ten things'.i'm thankful for the clean air in singapore. if you think that singapore has toomany vehicles, you should check ho chin minh city out. my goodness they've an overwhelming number of motorbikes. it's like a colony of ants or a swarm of bees. they just keep driving and driving.. and driving, whether it's red light or not. the cars do that too. and ironically, the trick to crossing the road is to walk slowly cos the bikes would then 'be able to drive around and avoid you'. quoted from tigertales, tiger airways' travel guide. shopping was okay except this place called An dong market, about half an hour's taxi ride from our hotel. gosh it was quite an experience for the three of us. it's a crazy place with rows and rows of shops. when you want to walk you have to tip toe or balance on one foot so that you wont step on the goods that are strewn everywhere or tied in big bundles, or on the people who're sitting around doing their stuff. people dont say excuse me or anything to that effect. they just put their hands on your shoulder and push you to one side. it was a mad house. the day trips that we had were quite good i would say. we got to talk to people from canada, newzealand, australia, israel etc. the israelis were hilarious man. hahah. they bought pirated nsync cds and danced to it in the bus on the way to mekong river. and while on one of unicorn island, one of the island in mekong river, they danced the same moves to vietnamese music. was really quite funny and they're really nice people. heh.

this is the end of my few sentences about vietnam. okay maybe it's slightly more than a few sentences.to end off, i shall the encapsulate the whole trip with a quote by sk - when you drive, you just drive. when you eat, you just eat and when you shop, you just shop. hah.

i am quite determined to go backpacking in cambodia and laos next year end, after listening to storys by the canadian backpackers who have been travelling for 7 months already. oh yes. i want to go backpacking in japan too! i've got to save work hard and save more. i'm sure i can. :)

2006-12-22T19:47:00.000+08:00

if you thought that i've disappeared from civilisation, you're half right! i had yf camp last thursday to sunday. after yf camp, i immediately went to start on my painting job till 12pm and early on monday morning, i was off to vietnam. and now i'm finally home, safe, clean and in one piece. okay i shall blog about it again. bye:)

2006-12-04T22:17:00.000+08:00

was away for 3 days last week for children's camp. it was quite a havock with 140 kids age ranging from k2 to p6 all around. though it was super tiring and made all of us sick, i must say it was quite learning experience la. i had the chance to better my interpersonal skills by communicating with the adults, my peers and the children, of course.sometimes it is tough dealing with adults especially when two people ask you to do different things at one time and you have to choose one and explain to the other why didnt you do her task. sometimes it is difficult to undersand why they do things in a certain way when you think your way is better but you've to do it their way. it really irritates me when they think that you're young and there to play a fool and forbid you to touch their things even when you're obviously helping her to increase efficiency. sigh. after all they're adults so all the more we've to respect and listen to them. oh well. it was a good mix of kids from sunday school and other kids from tuition programme who live in amk area. managing them was the ultimate test of patience, endurance and strength. we wasted a lot of time trying to get them to settle down to listen to instructions, especially on the last day when we had 2 hours to put up a 10 minute skit with more than 12 uncooperative recalcitrant boys and some quiet girls. we almost died.

the camp was also a good time of bonding with the girls from cell and the guys. it was heartwarming seeing all of us supporting, cooperating and helping each other. we got to know the guys better and vice versa because we dont really do so due to the lack of yf events. but let's not digress into that. i think the worship sessions were great. although most of us havent attained the level of skill required for 3rd service playing, it was awesome when it came to playing as a team and giving God the glory with what He has blessed us with. seeing the children singing along and doing the actions enthusiastically was an encouragement. we had a quite a fun time teaching the kids the theme song and the dance. the kids loved it and dance it a million times.

in retrospect, i feel it was a good camp. two small children responded to alter call on the last day. we should not underestimate their understanding about what all these are about. i was promptly reminded that if God can speak to and use samuel, he can speak to those two little kids too. :) yaye. on a lighter note, we had fun taking photos of the cute children and thinking of plan on how we can capture them and bring them home. meals were an important affair too. i had ten bananas in total. i had three plates of beehoon on one of the lunches. hahahhaa. what a pig. but it made up for the energy i used running here and there. heeh.

immediately after the camp it was cell movie marathon at my house. goodness i was so tired i didnt even finish watching one show. drifted in and out of slumberland sitting in awkward positions on the side of my couch, only waking up to prepare food for the girls and to eat. sheer exhausion.

okay. enough of children's camp and things that are over. coming up are yf camp and then i'll be off vietnam! and then christmas! yaye! so looking forward to them all.

2006-11-29T23:04:00.000+08:00

very very extremely SEH from children's camp and there're still two more days to go! bleah.

2006-11-29T00:51:00.000+08:00

Check out hello Lion! hello kitty's cousin. after all they're in the same family. hahaaa.

2006-11-26T17:28:00.000+08:00

my stomach doesnt feel good. it hasnt been since last night and now it's worse. it's like a sharp pain on the left side and the whole middle area feels acidic, like gastricitis or something. sigh. the bad thing is that i'm gonna be alone tonight. so hopefully nothing bad happends. it cant be gstric cos i've been eating regularly and eating proper food. bleaugh.

i'm bored. can someone please call me or invite me out! i hate having nothing to do and i hate sleeping. it's such a waste of time. :( yes. so please ask me out. please please please. i hate sundays alone.

2006-11-24T21:02:00.000+08:00

yaye. today is a happy day. i'm pleasantly surprised and touched by the sasasa. we serena, tammei grace sher and i had a fake picnic at tammei's condo and the sasasa presented me with a lovely big big orange card:) yaye. they're so sweet! that's why i have the best sheeps in the world :) truely. love you girls to bits! :) thanks ladies!

2006-11-24T01:14:00.000+08:00

school's finally over for the year!! yay. it's time to start doing fun stuff :) after school today i went to visit tammei at her new house :) it was so nice of me right. then we went in and out of her condo to my house many times and did stupid things. the security guard must think that we're mad or something. and we walked around the neighbourhood at least 3 times. i'm happy that she's finally moved in so from now we've got a going and coming home from church buddy. heh.

there's sasasasa picnic coming up tomorrow at the playground outside my house for tammei's convenience. hahaha. i think it's going to be quite funny. i just cant imagine ourselves sitting down and having a tea party kind of thing just like what they always have in enid blyton books. then we'll be sitting down on the grass with the sun shining and suddenly a rabbit would pop out of the hole. and blue robbins would come by and sing songs. haha. how typical.

i cant wait for my birks to come :) then i can wear shoes less often cos they can be fake substitutes for shoes. haha. suddenly i dont feel like saying anything anymore. i need to rest. goodbye.

*i hope people would not take me for granted. i am not a slave. i dont owe anyone anything.

2006-11-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

i feel invisible.

-

oh man. i havent spoken to anyone since 5pm when i reached home. that's about 6 hours. sometimes being all alone at home isnt fun at all.

2006-11-22T17:49:00.000+08:00

whatever la. i'm dead tired. just go away okay.

2006-11-22T14:10:00.000+08:00

Testing,blogging from my phone! How cool is this! Just one more day and it's the holidays!

2006-11-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

ok. so my parents and sis have finally left for the airport to go to the land of giraffes and elephants and tigers and lions - south africa. my bro's over at jm's house for the week. so here i am, all alone at home for the next 12 days. i really hate this sian feeling of not being to travel with them because i still have school for 4 stupid days. but as sherilyn puts it positively and cheekily, "it's time to have some fun!". ya ya we can have some fun. heehee. grins. my parents left me one bunch of bananas, chicken wings, peas, pork in black sauce and bread for the week. i think i can make banana shake for breakfast :)

sigh i feel lonely already. but i'm starting on christmas cards to make me feel happier :) hee.

i cant wait for thursday to be over!!! quick!!!

2006-11-17T20:48:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY SARAH NG LILIN!

it sucks when you try to be a nice person to someone and then things screw up on you.

i just want to be appreciated and not be a slave cos i am not.

just one more week and school's over. to be precise, it's 4 more school days. i'm sick of this school shit. i shouldnt be saying this but really, its shitty. it doesnt help when my parents and sis are going to south africa. sigh. i wanna go too.

but..

vietnam here i come! yaye! :) :)
YF CAMP 06!
cell movie marathon at my house!
cell christmas stayover at janet's!!
CHRISTMAS DAY!!!!!!!!!!

it's gonna be an action packed month, a december like no other :)

i bought birks. my first online purchase. heh.

right. i'm off to start on my christmas cards, my pcommd client background research on direct competitors, and stupid research for apel 2. i've got a presentation tomorrow morning to a class and i dont know more than half the number of people. dang! and tomorrow there's cgl meeting which i don't know if i should go cos ive got to go to bugis to print things (if my school's printer is closed) and then there's cell group which starts at 5. it's going to be a long day tomorrow. i better get going. bye.

2006-11-16T12:40:00.000+08:00

one of the stupidest things i've done this week is to bring my lappie to school and not bring my ac adapter along. as of now, the battery life of my computer stands at 56%, and i'm gonna be doing my stuff till 430. i so dont think my computer can last that long. it'll just die within the next hour. dang. how stupid! rarrr.

2006-11-12T17:39:00.000+08:00

i am currently in the middle of my professional communication for designers module, and i'm more than happy to be taking this compulsory subject. while other people are busy studying for their As, here i am, learning how to present a real proposal for our client-based design project. through this, we learn the various ways on how to write proper minutes of a meeting, and do things i've never heard of like a cover memo, executive summary and do things like costing. for academic purposes, we've to include a client field research and client background to know the client and their business objectives better. although this is a class group project, it is still a real project that involves a real client and maybe some money. this experience is definitely more valuable than getting a certificate :) better to fail now than to fail later! :) hope we get a good grade for this. thank God for active group members. hah.

december is gonna be an activity packed month. i can't wait for it to come. just one and a half week of school!! there's cell movie marathon, cell christmas party, yf camp, holiday and CHRISTMAS! yaye. yayeeee!!! i'm how excited la!

THE SASASASA

oh how i love them :o)

2006-11-01T22:55:00.000+08:00

sigh. today is not a good day. i find myself lost in the whirlwind of events. i feel giddy and trapped. i need to break free.

i hate it when some people dun seem to trust me and what i've been doing all day. here i am doing things that earns me some extra cash to support myself financially and have some savings and go to school at the same time and yet some people are there interrogating me each night as if i'm some hard core criminal or something. dont these people know how shitty this feels. and it makes my mood for the day plunge from average to rock bottom. and it certainly doesnt help even more when they keep asking me to do thing after thing when i dont get credit for it at all but instead scold me for other things. the worse is that these people dont listen and remember to what i say and i always have to repeat it 4-5 times before it gets into their head. these people are always preoccupied with other things and other people. they dont try to understand and be in my shoes. they dont understand the things that i do. they dont understand that the things i do takes time and the end product doesnt come with a snap of a finger. they have never been in this field and i hate it when they anyhow assume things and poke their heads into it. they dont understand the meaning of wanting to be alone and not wanting to talk to anyone after a long tiring day of work and school. they dont understand the meaning of a time of self reflection and spending time with God ALONE, which i always appreciate. i hate it when i sit alone in the basement and these people will come and ask me why am i not upstairs talking to them. whatever la.

or is it my fault?

2006-10-31T19:10:00.000+08:00

*blows off a layer of dust* feel like i havent been around here in a million years! i almost forgot my username and password. that's how long i've not been here. but in fact, it's only like 20 days. much have been going on during these 20 days of my absence. i've been doing so many things at one go that i feel giddy and quite lost at times. it doesnt help when i dont have a proper organiser with me. right now, all the busyness is still far from over. school term has once again started, and i'm going back to the routine, except that this time round i still have things to do carried forward and a few datelines to meet. i cant wait for the holiday.

this month i'm only doing one module. boring as it may be, it's a very important module so i've to try my best to do it properly. it's called professional communication for designers. it's all about doing up a professional cover letter, an outstanding and creative resume and an exceptional portfolio, and how you should prepare for an interview and what to do when you're in an interview. i'm quite glad that my school offers such a module because it prepares us for the working world, and it gives us a head start as compared to those A level takers. at least we can get a real job once we graduate once we graduate with a dip. and that's excellent because it beats going to the library and looking for books like resume writing for dummies etc.

this year's yf camp is going to be exciting. yaye i cant wait!

2006-10-11T00:44:00.000+08:00

the number of mysterious bites on my right foot has increased overnight to 11, two more from yesterday. of the 11, ten are on my foot and one is on my knee. those on my left foot is still status quo, at 3, with one blister. gosh they itch like __________ [fill in the appropriate word yourself]. i've resulted to using whatever's near my feet to scratch them in a bid to relieve myself from the pain. but no table leg, chair leg, swivel chair wheels or any other floor things have been able to do that well. hence, i've got to resort to the best tool that God has given man, that is, my hands. they work pretty well, you know. of course, cos it's God-made. but still, there's a season for everything under the sun, so i cant go on scratching forever and ever. thankfully some smarty pants somewhere on earth invented this thing called antiseptic cream. and that played quite a part in relieving me of the itch and the blister pain. it has since been one of my faithful companions, among which are my keys, phone, ez link card and wallet.

today was a repeat of yesterday, just that today we did more work. and yes, we did a painting by an expressionist artist from brucke, germany named kirchner. i think brucke means bridge in german. anyway we painted the red tower. we were sitting opposite each other so i was painting it up side down, which was quite a challenge. but it turned out nice man. hehhh. i'm proud of ourselves. beams.

my lappie's still not able to get wireless connection at home. but it works well outside. how weird. sigh. but the good news is that by next year, we can get wireless network at almost everywhere in singapore. yaye. that's great man. but it'll last for two years :( nothing is ever free. oh yes there is. ZO postcards! harhar.

it's 111am. which means it's wednesday, which means i've work in the day, which means it's time to sleep now, which means i've to sign out of blogger and off my music and close all my internet explorer windows and close my illustrator, which means i must do it right now.

night.

itchy itchy scratchy scratchy..

2006-10-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

my cellgroup! [not everyone's in the photo though] love them all!

Lamp unto my feet, light unti my path, even in troubled waters.

sparkles!

lanterns!

yaye my tie dye!

2006-10-05T23:16:00.000+08:00

today is 'cassandra is extremely superbly terribly dirty and shouldnt have worn black shirt day'. hmpf. it's been a long day. i had three 1hour lessons in the morning, and one 2hours lesson in the afternoon. at least i get to earn a substantial amount of money.

okay i'vefound out how and have decided to try to tie dye my shirt using my batik paints. yaye. hope it's successful!!

2006-10-03T00:47:00.000+08:00

YAYE!!! [copied from marya's blog] 'XINMIN SECONDARY SCHOOL IS RANKED BAND 1 IN THE SCHOOL ACHIEVEMENT TABLE FOR BOTH SPECIAL/EXPRESS AND NORMAL COURSES!

it doesn't really matter what people say [eg. you're not in the school anymore so there isnt a need to feel happy and stuffs] i just love xm loads and feel reallyreallyreally proud! =) '

I LOVE XINMIN AND I JUST CAN'T DENY IT! YEAH!

cedar and rgs won the school excellence award this year. it is the highest and most prestigious award in the MoA framework that recognises schools for their excellence in both education processes and outcomes. but i have no worries. because xinmin won the singapore excellence award already 2 years ago. heeheehee. yay! ya so it doesnt mean that being in an elite school is better than being in a government-aided school. we can do it too! and not only can we do it, we also do it faster. harhar.

marya i sorely miss xinmin too!! with the best teachers in the world, nice sec4 air conditioned classrooms, wednesday lor mee and generous malay stall auntie!

2006-09-29T00:49:00.000+08:00

thursday is 'cassandra is a dirty girl' day. :O)

2006-09-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

whoa my internet connection tonight is surely meaning. i can forget about msn.

anyway i feel blessed and loved tonight. i'm really thankful that God has placed two special people in my life to show me what real friends are for and who they really are [of course i've several other good friends too :) ]. i'm touch by the fact that they didnt go for their regular arcade game at bishan but instead, made me go to the clinic at serangoon and waited with me for one hour and fifteen minutes before it was my turn. what more could you ask for? and during the one hour and fifteen minutes we had an excruciating time watching singapore idol. goodness. the worse person on the show is not one of the contestants, neither is it either of the hosts, but one of the judges. you should know la. i shall not elaborate on it.

2006-09-24T21:46:00.000+08:00

after doing so many things for the past few weeks, i've come to a point where my body cannot take it anymore and starts to malfunction. this is when, for the first time in my life my nose bled. my eyes and cheekbone hurt, ears blocked and i get goosebumps appears whenever i swallow my saliva. darn. i need to get better before i start going to school again on tuesday. sigh.

--

actually it's very simple. all we have to do is to love Him, because He first loved us :o)

2006-09-23T00:04:00.000+08:00

Happy 17th birthday to my dear and one and only brother!!! you're getting old.. but so am i. haha.
you see i make you look nicer in this picture. hehheh.
dinner at M hotel was nice. havent had a family dinner outside for ages and ages :) yaye.

2006-09-20T18:46:00.000+08:00

check out what i made. cant be bothered doing it nicer cos anyway it involves snails.. yucks man. i'm never going to drink this.

oh God please help me remember where i put that stupid thing! rarr.

2006-09-20T01:07:00.000+08:00

today is a bad day. sigh. i woke up this morning with a stomachache and it has been painful on and off till now. sigh. thankfully sh came to help me in my class if not i would have died. we had lunch at a coffeeshop near pl, and then when we went to town for a hokkien mee and ice mango and pomelo tea. but my stomach still hurts even after filling it. sigh. oh man. town was okay. as usual i didnt buy anything although i really wanted to buy something. but the thing is that i dunno what i want to buy and i couldnt find an atm to draw money. furthermore we were so tired we ended up sitting at a bench at heeren. oh we visited a photography exhibition at wheelock place epson imaging gallery by chris yap, who is sh's photography teacher. this guy is skill man. my photography lecturer did a write up on him. im now more inspired to take photos of nature, something which i have always liked. and his photoshopping skills are good too, although sometimes i dont quite get his pictures. heh. on the whole it was well done. i was adequately impressed :) time well spent. and free things to take too!

i hope tmr's proj goes smoothly. i'm a bit scared everyone's older and skiller than i am. but nevertheless, i'll do my best. like always. hehhh. :)

shit stomachache's back again. better get something to eat. again.

God please help me to find the that stupid thing now! please please please please... sigh. how could i ever...

2006-09-17T14:57:00.000+08:00

yesterday night was terrible cos on the way home after cg, three snails were in our way. two large enormous extremely superbly disgusting ones and one quite small but just as disgusting. i absolutely detest snails. i think they're one of the worst things that could ever exist on earth. ever seen two snails making out? goodness. it's too nauseating a sight to behold [if that makes sense] -pukes- couple of months back my dad bought two yellow fresh water snails for the fish tank. they were stomach churningly gross man. my hair stands whenever they stick onto the sides of the glass tank and you can see the bottom of the snail, with it's mouth opening and closing in a continuous sucking motion. yucks! i really hate snails.

it's finally my holidays. i can finally wake up at ten on monday morning and tell myself that oh! i dont have anything to do today, and then fall asleep again. man i havent had such a day in 436987012593 years, not even on weekends. i can only do this on monday though, cos i've got stuff to do on all other days. but it's okay, cos if i wake up late everyday, it'll promote lazyness in me. so yes, monday is sleeping day. the goodness news is that tomorrow's monday! :) too bad to those who have to study for As. har har. i'm a meanie monster who likes to drink hot tea, spin big tops and eat lamb chops.

it is time to start making christmas cards. exciting :)

2006-09-13T04:16:00.000+08:00

it's 4:13am and i'm up doing nothing but drawing letters in georgia, which is a font :) only drew till f, which looks terrible.. C is terrible too. think the nicest is the small letter a. i shall attempt to draw c and f again!

i'm going to sleep now. finally. night! or rather, morning!

2006-09-12T22:50:00.000+08:00

i've never hated anyone before. but now i do, very badly. very very badly indeed.

2006-09-12T00:20:00.000+08:00

i'm progressing extremely slowly for one of my projects. help. submission is on friday. i've thought of my ideas but have been too lazy to excecute it. and i've thought of the copyfor my direct mailer. i've got a problem. my home printer doesnt print nice browns. so i'm not sure if i should go out to print my things or what. cos i really need to use the nice paper that i have but outside printers dont normally lets us print using our own printers. how?!! brown is a vety important colour in this project. rarr. sigh. better start doing so my tomorrow afternoon. no more time left! i thought of another brilliant idea for my cd cover project. hope it works. it'd be great. my cd cover project sees better progress. hmpf.

i'm in need of buying new clothes, especially pants. i need clean pants. hahaa. and it's not my fault that my clothes get dirty all the time. i'm trying my best to keep myself clean without the use of an apron. i hate aprons. cant stand things hanging on my neck cos it's ticklish. hehh. and i need new slippers. my current sandal is 3 years old. stage 0.5 of spoiling.

this week's gonna be a mad one, with two major projects to hand in and new work to take on. today's just the beginning. i have to survive! :0) :0) i've realised that i'm lost in my world of work work and work that i've lost contact with civilisation.

today we saw mooncakes at serangoon. yummy. i want mooncakes now. cookie wants some too. sometimes the moon looks like a cookie.

2006-09-11T00:31:00.000+08:00

i'm only making progress on one of my two assignments. want to get a distinction for this cd cover project :) the weird thing is that i've progress more on the assginment that was given last week than the one given last month. shucks. i need help for the other assignment. totally no idea for it at all. my goodness. all i think about is to get distinction for the cd cover project that i'm neglecting the other subject. rarrr. i need help. firstly, submission is this fri. so for my other proj, i've yet to decide whether i want to sell gifts like cards, or cookies. i've already done the logo and name card and sorted out the packaging details for both of them.and i avent done anything else. not the direct mailer, the copy inside the direct mailer, the floor sticker, the packaging design and dunno what i've to do. sigh. at least i've bought the papers to begin with.

i realised that some of my cousins from my dad's side are skillful. one is an architect, the other is an interior designer and the interior designer's husband is a graphic designer. i'm inspired and motivated to be like them :) there're skillful people in my mom's side too. my oldest uncle can do chinese painting very well. he draws nice bamboos even with the slanted tip of an ordinary highlighter. my fourth uncle draws nice cartoon elephants and my twin p5 cousins are pretty good at art. even shun did art of o levels! :)

i've decided to name my cd album GENESIS. yay. i like the word genesis, although i dont quite like the letter g. i shall diecut or emboss the name. see there i go again about my cd cover. i better be off.

now is a GREAT time to go shopping, when the j2s and sec4s are having their prelims and other levels going back to school. perfect timing. i'm going to shopping next week when my holiday starts. yeah! say hello to a quieter orchard :):):):):)

2006-09-10T23:49:00.000+08:00

yay i likethis picture. my neighbour's antaner [how to spell]. do you see a little birdie?

2006-09-10T20:38:00.000+08:00

blue leaf :)

2006-09-08T01:25:00.000+08:00

i went jogging today in a bid to loose some weight i've gained over the weeks. 2 rounds round the estate and one round around the park. but it was all in vain after i went for supper with my parents, bro and jianmin. sigh! had 1 eggprata, teh c siew dai bing and 2 otahs. darn. fats galore.

i'm feeling both brilliant and stupid right now. i shall be positive so i shall explain why ifeel brilliant. it's because i thought of a brilliant idea on how to make my cd card holder for prepress. it's an incorporation of what my lecturer intially wanted us to do, and this current cd holder project. if i just did the card holder nicely, it'll be good. but if combined ideas, lagi better. yeah. now i feel stupid cos i've been stuck doing my vscp2 stuff. only did the logo and some direct mailer stuff and submission is next friday! one week to go. see how stupid?!! but suddenly, when i was doodling on the church bulletin, i thought of a brilliant idea which would make my life easier.. haha. shouldhave thought of it llong ago man. darn. rarr. but anyway now's still not too late. so i better get to work!

next thursday, my prepress class is going for an excursion to some printing company in ubi. man i havent had an excursion in such a long time. the last was in sec 4 when we went to the science centre observertory to look at mars throught the huge telescope. it was skillful. it was a privilege cos only my class and mrs teo's other class got the chance to go. i think this printing company excursion would be quite an eye opening one. we'll get to see the the process of printing, the cmyk in cylinders that're taller than a person, how they make the die cut molds and die cutting, and hopefully the process of finishing. i hope i learn more stuff about prepress. it'd be a waste of time if i dont learn anything after going all the way there. hmpf.

today i learnt two new guitar things and taught some camera things. :) i'm quite pleased. it's great how learning can be two ways instead of always being one way. yay.

i want to learn more things. :)

2006-09-06T17:01:00.000+08:00

NOW WHAT STARTS WITH THE LETTER C?

COOKIE STARTS WITH C!

my collection of cookie monsters :) now you know what to get me for christmas! :)

2006-09-06T01:03:00.000+08:00

some of the small things in my life:

big shitty and small shitty, with cookie behind :)

small cookie from tammei, grace and reenie for birthday this year. big cookie from marya and heidi for my 16th birthday. kerokeropopi from aunty k for my 10th birthday i think. :)

wedding bears from kokengkorkor's wedding.

from left: girl wedding bear from kekk's wedding, cute badge from e, toiletbowl[my first ceramic piece], brown monster from sh, yellow magnetic hippo from reenine and squirt from happy meal.behind: ice cream stick thing from aunty kin lan when i work in church office last year.

toothbrush holder my dad got from germany years ago. i drew the smiley.the tooth brush is gone :(

this shot was only meant to be focused on on thing. but neh mind. still can use. behind: 3 out of the 4 piece set of giraffe coasters that i painted. from left: tigger chop, square thing from reenine, lego tree, pink robot thing found in kinder surprise from grace, shot glass from e. :)

tigger chop that lights up when stamped. from aunt k in primary school.

zibby the zebra i got for christmas last year from sh :)

the cookiemonster hand puppet i made in sec 2.

there're many more. i'll show them next time :O)

2006-09-05T21:24:00.000+08:00

i'm quite pleased with myself. i think i did relatively okay for my first prepress assignment. at least my lecturer didnt have much complaints about it. he was openly commenting and pin pointing all our assignment in front of the class and didnt say anything about mine, just that i forgot to paste the pantone chip. i hope it goes well. :)

today i finally learnt while walking out of my estate, how to pronounce three properly. for the first time!

sometimes i feel as though i'm a replacement in a friendship. :( i hope it isnt true.

2006-09-04T21:02:00.000+08:00

right now, i feel really really really glad that i did not choose to go to a jc. it was a tough choice between going to a jc or poly. but thankfully i secured a place in temasek design during the direct school admission even before the o level results were out and that help in the decision making. i remember it was such a tough decision that i asked my maid to help me draw lots and i kept getting jc. haha. i cant imagine myself now sitting at my desk, like i did two years ago for my o levels, mugging like a mad idiot for south east asian and international history, econs, gp et cetera. i cant imagine going for tuition again. i hate tuition and quit tuition four months before my o levels. i cant imagine struggling to remember cheng yus for chinese and always failing the paper. i cant imagine myself feeling pekchek again cos i cant remember or dont understand concepts.

right now i can forget about all the mock exams, pre prelims, prelims and what nots. i get flexible time table which enables me to plan when i want my school holidays although right now is a bit screwed up. bleah. because we dont need to attend non productive things like morning assembly, pastoral care etc, we only go to school at the timeslots where we have lessons, which leaves us time to do more productive things like having a part time job. we get to do fun things like painting real murals, rather than painting your worksheets with your blood. so now, you not only learn skills that allows you to work immediately after graduation, you get on the job training as well :) that's learning more in the same period of time. you'll definitely have more to write in your resume. and yes, you get to be more financially independent, and get more disposable income. we also get more school holidays, although they dont always coincide with the normal pri and sec school holidays. but this way, we can go for holidays during off peak periods which would be cheaper.

so ya. i'm glad i didnt go to a jc. there's definitely more to being a 17 /18 year old than mugging, mugging and more mugging.

today we went to jalan kayu for dinner and then went to sinflora. i got drenched while walking from the bus stop to my house. :) i love being drenched. haha. and my newly washed old dirty green diesel bag got dirty with rain water. hah.

i feel like going to somewhere cheap this year, like vietnam or cambodia. columbia? not sure if hongkong is cheap though. heh.

i cant wait for friday to come! :)

2006-09-03T00:20:00.000+08:00

my goodness i NEED to go on a holiday right now. how i wish i could just lay all my projects aside and just get away from sunny singapore. of course that would not be possible, but going on a holiday definitely is. all i need is time and some disposable income. for this year, maybe japan is a good idea. i want to see the cherry blossoms, though i dont know when's the season. and yes, more importantly, i want to see mt fuji and go to all the scenic places to take photos. oh man.. eating jap food everyday is just wonderful. it'd be fun also if we could visit the design places in japan. i tell you, the graphic and packaging designs in japan are awesome. incredibly awesome and clever. they're the pride of asia in terms of design. :) how cool it'd be if i could go and have a look and of course, learn. holiday holiday holiday holiday. the good thing about my school is that despite having to go school for 5 months in a row this semester, i think i get to choose when i want to have my school holidays at the end of the year. yeps. so it's away from singapore i go.. hopefully.. sigh. looks like i've got to work hard.

right now, it's time for me to complete my mentos box duplication for prepress. it's super difficult, especially when i keep confusing myself or when the software doesnt want to cooperate with me. rarr. now i feel the urge to switch to freehand. accordign to my lecturer's demo, freehand seems to have more functions when it comes to doing thethings i've got to do now. i hate technical things like measuring the dimensions of the box, and counting when playing guit or piano. i hate counting. no wonder count the dracula in sesame street and i were never friends. someone help me do this!!! rarrr. wish me all the best as i begin my project. :)

today i went for my second or third movie for the year. we watched the devil wears prada at j8. it's nice only because meryl streep acted in it. the clothes they wore are how skill la. and just look into their wardrobe! it's not even classified as a wardrobe. more like a room . how i wish all those were mine. but then again, it's only a show and the show is about fashion. unfortunately if you wear them on the streets in singapore, people would think that you're mad. i love the trench coats. if we wear them i singapore, people will think that we're mad. haha. only if singapore had nice springs and autumns. then we can enjoy the different season's collections and at the same time experience the season. how nice! :)

cassie.. it's just two more week of hard work before you get your much much much needed school holidays. you've got to press on and dont waste time!

2006-09-01T00:16:00.000+08:00

it's been a long long day. woke up at 515 to go to unity for digital art lessons. spent a whole hour with adam saving the files in the external disk drive and switching off the computers, which are extremely slow.after lunch with the digital art folks, s and i took the train from yewtee to jurong east, and then from jurong east to expo for comex2006. it was a long journey man. and i didnt ghave a place to sit until halfway through the journey. anyway comex was crowded as usual. nikon was our first stop, for obvious reasons. hah. it's the first thing that catches your eye when you step into the halls. canon, on the other hand, is somewhere in the corner, not very visible unless you're somewhere in the middle of the hall. we had a feel of how the d200 and d70s is like. goodness. the nikon d200 sure feels awesome. you wont want to pic up the d70s after that. but but but.. the price isnt that awesome. so now i'm in a dilema. okay not really a dilema la. i just cant decide which model to buy. the d70, though cheaper and comes with lens, is only 6.10megpix, as compared to the d200 which is 10.2pix and does not come with lens. the d200 costs $2988 and d70s costs $1788. i dunno which to get, but i think i'll most likely be the d70s la. not that i got a lot of money to spend also. by the way the prestigeous hairsalon i was talking about is, the CT salon, is cassandra tan salon, in my basement.

after the cameras it was the printers. just looked around. hp doesnt carry the range of products. epson's inkjet printing were impressive, but that's cos they printed on their own epson semi gloss paper. havent got a chance to see it print on normal 80gsm uncoated paper. the results would definitely vary a great deal. canon's prices were a bit suspicious. and i'm not sure about the printing quality also. and we got a free pen from the apple booth! yay.

we proceeded to bugis. checked out letraset, the sole agent of pantone products i think. they actually have quite few things, and i got a feeling they're the high end ones. across the street there's this shop that sells sewing things and heaps of ribbons. the best thing is that they're reasonably priced. bugis/new bridge road area is a wonderful place to go :)

i'm feeling abnormally cold right now. sigh. maybe it's a sign that i should sleep. gotwork to do in the morning! rarrr. my stomach feels funny too.

2006-08-29T18:47:00.000+08:00

i had a haircut today at the most prestigeous you could ever go, and only the filthy rich like me can afford. it's situated in all its glamour at a basement of a building along yio chu kang road. the interior of the salon is designed in such a way that it allows natural sunlight to penetrate through the windows which cuts off glare, so that the hairstylist can see what she's doing without the glare of ceiling lights. the best thing about this hairstylist is that she isnt a certified hairstylist but yet, she's able to deliver more than what is expected. i didnt have to tell her what kind of hairstyle i wanted. she just did it nicely for me. she's not only proficient, buy efficient as well. the name of the salon is CT salon :)

i cant decide if i should do my direct mailer in portrait or landscape. and maybe i should go back to RJ again to get nice paper to print my stuff on. i'm loving paper more and more. yesterday we went to rj and bought this nice ivory paper with faint blue lines opacity about 30%. it's called st cotton. very pretty indeed. and and and the stripey tracing paper sort was preety too :) i like. one day i'll go down to antalis to have a look as well. i'm also not sure if i should manually draw the stuff on my promotional items, or print them. cos i dunno where allows me to print on textured paper, but if i draw, i'll risk making mistakes. sigh. help!

yes. i need help for my lappie too. still cant sign into msn. someone out there!! please help!

2006-08-27T23:09:00.000+08:00

i feel pekchek. very extremely pekchek indeed. for the past few weeks i havent been able to log into msn!! so irritating. the worse thing is that i dont know what the problem is, and no one around here is willing to help me try and solve the problem. i is vvvv pekchek. help!

it's been a long day. up since 6am. 3.5 hrs of sleep last night so now i'm exhausted. went to ahma's house and fell asleep in the twin's room despite them laughing loudly and playing barely 2 metres away from me. and my stomach hasnt been very cooperative. think i had gastric symtoms this evening. acidic feeling in my abdominal area and headaches. i wore the wrong shoes today also. i normally wear my sandals which has excellent heel support. but today i wore the primary school white shoes which has zero cushion at the bottom. so after walking from ch across bishan park to j8, and then going to taka then to paragon, to wheelock place and finally back to paragon again, my feet really hurt. bleah. furthermore i had to carry the two pieces of wood that sh found to all these places! but it's okay, for blessed are the plodders for they shall reach their destination. we fiinally went back to paragon and we bought my bag. finally. yay.

got an appointment at j clinic this friday. i hope it'll be a more productive one. think i'm gonna bombard the doc with loads of questions until he chases me out of his office. yes that's good.

k.nights folks.

2006-08-26T10:09:00.000+08:00

today i woke up at 914am and found 4 missed calls on my phone. this shows how early i slept last night. last night i was lying down on my bed and playing with the music dj function on my phone, and anyhow composed a tune using the groove, salsa, reggae and techno using drum beats, bass keyboard and trumpets. and i didnt even finish an sms conversation with my friend and i fell asleep. it was 1130. i feel spoil and terrible and sick today. and today is saturday! darn.

now i'm all alone at home again :( anyway it gives me the liberty to do things privately. made kaya toast and ice milo for breakfast, which tasted 100000 times better than yakun's toast and milo. all beacause i added an extra ingredient which no where else would offer: a pinch of love-for myself :) some people say that i'm dont zhi4 ai4 (direct translation is self love). i admit that sometimes i really dont do it but i've been trying, by making myself breakfast today :)

i'm tired. guess i'm going to sleep again. bye

2006-08-24T22:46:00.000+08:00

i need rest. hopefully i can get some tonight.

the air's been terrible lately, with the usual 7th month offerings going up in ashes, coupled with the fact that they're doing some digging and laying of underground pipes in my estate, which makes the air around my house superbly dusty. sigh! it's so not good for my ent problems! nowadays when i bend my head down for too long, some liquid, which i suspect is mucus, would flow up my windpipe/oesophagus or whatever you call it to my nose. and i would feel as if i breathed in water. last time i had mucus in my ear canals, so i could hear properly for a period of time. rarrr!

i bought new stationary today. 0.38 uniball signo dx um151 refill, pencil lead, 0.2 drawing pen and an a4 hard case. yay!! love buying new stationary :) the best thing is that i didnt pay for them. hah!

my c is coming soon! probably this sunday. yay! but i'm still not sure what the verdict for my m is. rarr!

i'm quite excited about leading wshp this sat for cg. havent done it in a long time :)

i have raised my expectations for this year's yf camp because of several reasons. i shall reveal them when the time is rightt.

2006-08-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

seh. extremely seh. i just cant wait for this week to be over. i cant wait for the weekends to come. my day today started at 630am, when i left my house for serangoon central to meet s for breakfast before proceeding to pl to clean up the art room. and i was late cos the bus was incredibly slow. i can run faster than the bus. literally! it was travelling at like 40km/h. cleaning up the art room, unloading and loading the kiln was a tiring affair. and yes, my lungs suffered a lot due to the dust accumulated on the shelves over the weeks/months/years and the dust from the clay. all these just for the sake of one minister who's coming to visit. how not worth it! had my first class of prepress. it's not exactly fun going for the class, but definitely the class most worth attending. basically it's about prints. whether it's using the modern state of the art laser printer rubbish or the primary school potato prints. oh i'm supposed to do a potato print over the weekend :) how fun! this is going to be a very siong subject! but i really wanna do it properly, and gain the most out of the subject and the lecturer who's my course manager :)my goodness he expects us to know paper weights by just touching them and font name sizes just at one glance! but these and other skillful skills are what distinguishes us from other design peoples. at least i answered his question about serifs and san serifs correctly. i was late for class so he made me sit in front. hah!finally at 2 we got to go home. yay. oh ya!!! i collected the shoes today. one for me, one for mbam and one for sh. yay. just nice :) and they're only $8. at 4, s came over to do stuff and we had dinner. i was extremely full :)

some teachers are so screwed up. sigh.

i want the week to end soon. i'm really exhausted.

i called, you answered
and you came to the rescue
and i want to be where you are..

2006-08-21T23:44:00.000+08:00

took this from cupcake's blog. heh :)

who last -
1. made you smile:
my mommy, the funniest person on earth

2. saw you cry;
i forgot when i last cried.

3. went to the movies w/ you;
cousinc. namely val, andrea, ah hoon jie jie and khenghwee kor kor

4. talked to you on the phone;
sher

what-
1. flowers or candies;
Candies of course! i dont dare touch flowers

2. gray or black;
Black

3. coloured or black & white photos;
i'm alright with both, but have a love hate relationship with black and white photos. ownself go to the darkroom to develop and enlarge your photos and you'll understand why.

4. lust or love;
love

5. sunrise or sunset;
Sunrise. Marks the start of a new day and a new beginning :)

6. M&M or skittles;
both.but eaten in moderation cos they make you fat

7. staying up late or waking up early;
of course Staying up late. enjoy the splendor of the night

8. sun or moon;
Sun. it is required in the process of photosynthesis. i'm not a plant but i eat the meat that was once alive and ate the plant

9. tea or coffee;
both. coffee bing, teh bing or teh c siew dai bing is good

10. lefty or righty;
LEFTY OF THE WORLD UNITE AGAINST ALL THINGS NO LEFT HANDER FRIENDLY.

11. having 10 acquaintances or two best friends;
2 best friends.

12. sunny or rainy;
depends on where i am.

13. vanilla or chocolate ice-cream;
Chocolate ice-cream! vanilla is horrible

answer honestly -

1. do you like anyone now?
love thy neighbour?

2. smoke;
Obviously not.

3. steal;
Nope

4. do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope.

about you -
1. what time issit?
11:48 p.m
2. name;
cassandra tan. chinese name is cfx

3. what is your bday?
WHAT is my bday? It's the day i was born... obviously. If it's WHEN, 27may

4. what do you want right this second?
try to find out why my lappie cant log into msn and make it work. but i cant seem to do it. dang.

5. where do you want to live?
my island home

6. how many kids do you wanna have?
hmm

7. do you want to get married?
when the time comes la. of course

others -

1. do you twirl you spaghetti or cut it?
twirl

2. (This is a sick question so i wont' put it)

3. favourite ice cream;
Hagen Daz ( how to spell)

4. how many cereal's in your cabinet?
None

5. what's your favourite type of soda?
Coke?

6. do you cook?
Sometimes.

in the last month you have -

1. bought something?
yes

2. sang?
yes.

3. been hugged?
cant remember

4. felt stupid?
like everyday?

5. missed someone?
yeah

6. danced crazy?
nope

7. gotten your hair cut?
Nope. but that reminds me..

8. cried?
i already said i cant remember.

9. hated anyone?
nope. snails counted?

10. said i love you?
nope.

2006-08-21T19:59:00.000+08:00

this week marks the beginning of yet another module. it's the fifth month of school. it's the months where other people get their much awaited and needed semester break and i b*****h*** dont. the school indeed has no consideration for us at all. all they want is for us to achieve what they want us to do, ignoring our capabilities and the fact that we need breaks. wth. i hope that is block system would be a huge failure so that we would revert back to the timetable system. i really am tired of school. someone help me. bleaughh. i might as well copy and paste this post everyday for the next few days. :(

i'm currently doing 5 major things at the same time and i hope everything i've been doing these few weeks would be worth all my time and effort.

they better be.

2006-08-15T23:30:00.000+08:00

my goodness i'm exhausted. it's the long term kind of exhaustion. you see, i havent had a holiday since the term started in may. if we were still in the normal school system, we'd have had a two week term break in june, and a 2 month semester break next week. but now in the block system, we dont get any bloody school holidays. i've got one more month to go before my holiday which is only one month. damn it. i'm extremely tired of this. how can we have 5 straight months of school?!! even secondary schools have breaks every 3 months. i'll really quite pissed with the director of design school. he likes to implement things that are stupid, despite the lecturers opposing them. like this block system thingy. the block system is supposed to help us reduce the things we've to do. but no! it make us compromise on quality of work due to the short time span of each module, which doesnt give us time to develop our ideas. i want to just slap his face. and what's worse, he doesnt have any design background. he's a biochemist!!! surely meaning. at least the lecturers are good. i hate this.

have been having a headache for the third consecutive day. sigh.. :(

next month's gonna be a busy one for me, with 2 modules and loads of other things to do.

i'm so sick and tired of everything i need a break. for the past 5 months there has never been a day where i could stay home and do absolutely nothing. there hasnt been a day without an agenda. sigh. i need a getaway. hopefully we i can go somewhere this year. anyone cares to go with me? please? rarr. if i go i'd have to put my macbook on hold for the time being. but getting my camera is definitely a must for any holiday.

God i need strength to go through this. i really do. it's so tiring.

2006-08-12T01:50:00.000+08:00

i feel sick today. i woke up in the morning, had brekkie, and then went back to sleep again cos of headache from last night, and felt as if my stomach was churning like a washing machine. at 1230, i was awoken by a phone call. thankfully the person called. if not i'd just have slept the whole day.

after dinner we had a 4/5 family outing cos apparently someone claimed that she's got lots of work so she didnt go. we went to the place near one fullerton to watch fireworks. my goodness it was extremely crowded and had to squeeze through many smelly people. was quite disappointed that i didnt take nice fireworks shots cos they were so fast i didnt had time to set my camera to the correct exposure. what's worse is that my cam is a surely meaning fuji point and shoot! rarr! tried to change from manual mode to shutter priority but i think i didnt do it correctly. hah!

the exciting thing about today is that i drove a car! after coming back from fireworks and after our second round of durian for the night, my dad brought my bro and i to the condo behind our estate to drive my mom's car. my dad's car can wait for the time being. heh. i feel damn shiok now. but i cant reverse properly yet. sigh. but driving is fun! got to register soon!

2006-08-09T23:42:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 41ST BIRTHDAY, SINGAPORE!

this year has been an exciting one and more is to come. indeed, this is a year of many changes and many new things :)

*

last night i had a really weird dream. as usual, it was of someone dying. the unusual thing was that i didnt see the person literally dying in front of me. it was the oscar wilde's dorian gray concept, where a life was represented by a painting. in my dream, the life wasnt a real oil painting kind of painting, but rather more like a piece of batik kind of thing. the setting was in a classroom. the piece of batik was hung in front, with a network of blood vessels with red ink surrounding the whole cloth which signifies the life of the class. suddenly the teacher asked the boy in front of me why his face was turning purple. at the same time, there was a blot of purple ink on the batik that represents the area where he sits. as the boy dies [ reason is unknown], the blot of purple ink got bigger and bigger, until the whole cloth was purple. by then the only imagery in my mind was the cloth that has turned purple. soon the whole cloth turned white and we knew that the boy was dead already. then the network of bloodvessels appeared again, but this time, it did not connect to the area the boy was sitting. how weird! must be the alice in wonderland i've been reading. it's a great book! and believe it or not, i'm reading it for the first time in all the 18 years i've lived! alice is funny girl. and i like how they play with words in both clever and stupid ways.

*

i thought today would be a good day. after all, it's national day, my favourite public holiday. but due to some reasons, the morning didnt turn out the way i wanted it to be. firstly, i wasnt pleasantly awoken, and secondly, there was nothing for breakfast. no bread, no cornflakes/cereal and no pancake mix. sigh. at least i got asked out by some nice people for lunch and to hang out. and that made my day, although three of us didnt quite know what to do. heh. :) for the first time in a few years, due to the same reasons as stated above, my family didnt order kfc delivery for dinner while watching the ndp on television. for the first time in my life i watched the ndp all alone in the basement. sigh. and it wasnt my fault at all. this year's ndp wasnt spectacular. maybe cos i had no company. rarr. nevermind.

*
glad that you liked the domo :) love ya!

*
i wish last sunday could happen again. wj, thanks for being a great friend :) love ya!

*
i am busy. busyness is good! yay!

this is home, truely
where i know i must be
where my dreams wait for me
where the river always flows
this is home, surely
as my senses tell me
this is where i wont be alone
for this is where
i know
i'm home

2006-08-07T20:42:00.000+08:00

CHECK OUT the national day moo moos! they're so cute! i absolutely adore them. MOOO.

YAY. there! in the spirit of national day! weijin and i with widdle in the middle :) one of the best sunday afternoons this year. but the textures are too opaque though. should've lessened it.

2006-08-06T19:37:00.000+08:00

yay! cg outing to sentosa! haha. anyhow photoshoped the pic :)

2006-08-05T00:42:00.000+08:00

very quickly, the week's ending again. i dont know why, but as the days pass, i seem to be very much in a daze. my mind's so filled with so many things at one go until i cant focus on thinking one one thing at one time. for the first time i forgot to msg the girls about this saturday's arrangements that they've to ask me. i feel so bad. :(
i'm such an idiot. today i went all the way to school to renew the library book and i was told that actually i could do it online at home. no wonder s asked how come my school library system so old fashioned. so stupid. wasted my time travelling all the way to school. then went to pl after that. thankfully the library worksheet papers are in the cupboard, behind the boxes of paint, mildly squashed. but at least it's still there. yea. not only am i an idiot, i'm a clumsy pig as well. yesterday in the second painting class i kicked the same table leg thrice with my left leg and big toe, and gave the girl sitting there a shock three times. sigh. and yesterday was my dirtiest painting day ever. i almost turned into a frog. my hands were both dark olive green. and my shirt... nah.. dont talk about it. my jeans were paintless, but were clay crusted.

on a lighter note, here're to cute things of the week

this cute thing was given to me by e. :) it looks like something that sounds like a widdle, whatever a widdle is. so i decided to name it, weedle/widdle, or weedee/widdie/widdy for short. :) say hi to weedee/weedie/widdie/widdy!!

this monster was from s. i've yet to decide what to name it yet. let's temporarily call him brownie. heck how boring brownie sounds. i've decided that brownie and weedee/widdie/widdy/weedie can be good friends. :) will take a picture of them together one day.

2006-08-04T11:34:00.000+08:00

rarr. now i've got to drag myself to school to renew the medium format camera book and then got to go down to plmgps again to get the library worksheet that i'm supposed to do. sigh! accidentally left it in the paint cupboard in the art room. really hope it's still there, if not i've to look for miss chiam. and even though i've seen her twice, i vaguely remember her face, and i dont like meeting teachers. anyhow, hope it's still there, no matter how crumpled it is. hmpf. i'm such an idiot.

yesterday has been a tiring day. i got up and left my house the earliest and came home and slept the latest. ahh! how i love this kind of lifestyle! :):) nice and busy. k la. i came home late cos went with s and dl to his cafe for dinner. the food's not bad! and the dunno what chocolate cake is great! i'll go back again! wanna try the something something something linguine, some olive oil based pasta thing that s ordered that looks nice. yay.

i hate fridays cos i've got nothing to do. sigh.

right. gotta drag myself out of the house now. bye.

2006-08-01T22:25:00.000+08:00

i dont have much things to say today.
1) got a prezzie from miss e. yay. i seldom get prezzies for no reason. :)
2) vodka apeach with apple and aloevera :)
3) a pancake box dropped on me and made on me a painful scratch
4) i'm in need of buying new jeans. the one i bought recently seems to have become looser and now it sits precariously, no not my hips, but my butt. i can pull my pants down without having to unbutton the button. the same goes for my blue berms.
5) maybe i should invest in a belt instead. hah. the topshop one is nice but ex.
6) time to get my h slippers soon
7) wana buy the primary school school shoes. the girly one with a strip of thingy across the feet.

2006-07-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

this is a replica of the thing i made on saturday during the spiritual formation retreat. it's supposed to be a tree with colourful branches. it's not as nice as the original cos the red plasticine is super soft and the branches always flop down. ask me if you want to know the rationale of it. took quite long to conceptualise it! anyway, i decided to name it 'The Testimony'.

you want to guess what this is? i'll give you a prize if you guess correctly :) haha!

i've been having problems breathing these days. sigh. my nose is quite spoil. and i think my windpipe also. during the retreat we were supposed to postrate [how to spell] and whenever i bend down, i cant breathe properly. i can only breathe fairly well when i stand/sit up, or lie down straight. sigh. should be another of my ENT problems again. it's like going on forever, especially my ears and throat. during the retreat, all of a sudden there were ringing and piercing but at the same time slightly muffled sounds in my ears when we were supposed to not talk for 2.5hrs. must be the accessive amount of mucus again. last time the doctor said that there were mucus in my ear canal! so weird. spoil ah!

thought of an out of point thing. here goes:

louis,

the police,

is,

in his office.

they rhyme! hahahah!

2006-07-30T20:57:00.000+08:00

nothing, absolutely nothing, beats eating home cooked food. have been eating out quite a lot lately, due to work and hanging out with people et cetera. i havent been this full and satisfied for a long time, besides fri where we went to taka to yaogui. ate guiness [how to spell] brownie from the brownie factory, together with thai pineapple rice, mango salad and green curry, then proceeded to wisma's food republic for prata and teh tarik. but even so, home cooked food is still the best. and what's more, i dont have to pay for it. haha!

tomorrow's monday again. sigh and yay.

2006-07-29T23:21:00.000+08:00

today has been a meaningful but tiring day. but the meaningfulness makes up for everything. :) i'm too tired to type today. so ask me if you wanna find out. i'll gladly tell you. heh

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some people are really just out to make me angry all the time. but it's okay.. God is watching you. so you better think properly before you do anything else in future.

watch out.

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whoa i cant believe my mom actually initiated a promise to me that she'll get me the bag that costs $140 something or $170 something, on top of the swensons that we went, just cos she made me wait for her to finish her meeting for another extra hour. it was actually supposed to be one hour but in the end i waited for 2 hrs and 15mins. haha. yay. my d200 is well on its way. :) nxt are birks and a jacket coming right up! oh and maybe a belt and shorts from topshop. so ironic. i'm want to buy bottoms from topshop. hah!

2006-07-28T13:49:00.000+08:00

yay. did another di. cant think of a title for it though. and it's looks stupid. hah!

2006-07-28T11:51:00.000+08:00

the attic cows

yay. did simple di this morning. similar to what the kids did at unity pri yest morning, just that i'm more skill. they did their school and i'm doing my house. and they dont have other picture sources. haha! but i dunno why the text comes out pixelated though. love including the cows into my di work. so cute. :)

it has been a busy week, but it was fun. i'm not particularly happy that it's friday cos sometimes the weekends are busier than weekdays! being busy is good.

gonna look for food. there's a serious food shortage in my house. mommaye you got to buy more food!

2006-07-26T11:23:00.000+08:00

yay. i've finally found a lecturer who understands the plight of those whose surnames start with the last few letters of the alphabet, like mine. these people always have to wait grueling hours just for their turn, be it for examinations, consultation or whatever that has got to do with the class register. sometimes this pisses me of cos it's so bloody unfair to have to always go through things according to the register. and why does the first name or surname on the register always have t start with A? wont starting with Z be the same? it's always a waste of time when you're allocated timeslots and being the last few on the list, and as i said earlier, you've to wait for a very long time before it's your turn. it's worse if you're being confined in a room with nothing but your identity card for verification, and having to wait and wait and wait. people at the front of the list have more opportunity to use the time more productively whereas those at the back can't, as much as they want to. so this morning, i was more than delighted to find my name in the thursday slot instead of the friday one for consultation with my lecturer. this is because he split the class into half, and for the first time in my life, a lecturer/teacher actually let those on the second half of the list go first. and he was kind enough to tell us the exact time we've to be present, so we can use our time before the consultation more productively. mine says 530 - which means the second last timeslot for the day. i dont blame him, for this is the way the school administration works, by arranging everyone in alphabetical order. at least my lecturer made a fair move by doing so. surely [the real meaning], he knows how we feel, for his surname is Yu, the second last letter of the alphabet.

2006-07-25T20:24:00.000+08:00

it's been better. met her to talk and share. it was time well spent. gained something much much more important than money: trust. anwei came and we had dinner together. who he really talks a lot, but at least they were meaningful things. i really enjoy talking to adults and listening to their conversations. i mean the 20 somethings and early thirties. it forces me to think and talk about bigger and deeper things, which is good, after having to lower myself to the level of the girls all these months. i like it when i dont understand what the older people are talking about, so that i'll get a chance to ask and of course learn more things. duh. haha. i'll know what i do not know, after i didnt know what i didnt know. so now i know what i know. makes sense? yes it does. and it's important. :) another thing is that we've got to learn to see things differently, not how the world see them, but as what He sees them. yes i know we've heard this many times before. but how much action do we really put into doing it? it doesnt only apply to situations, but also to individuals. sometimes, we, who are in Him, have become to quick to judge people according to worldly standards and we never look at ourselves. we should really be transformed by the renewal of our minds. it forces me to grow up, cos i very much need to, although i wish i could stay my age forever and ever. hehheh. need to talk to more old people and join older cg. the best thing about it is that you feel young. ahahaa. [typed how i think so the sentences may not flow. heh]

today is my third time in plmgs but first time having a class there with angela, e and sher. they were better than i thought they would be, after going through prps and unity. after all, they're girls so naturally they're more skill and well behaved. haha! it's true. at least they know how to sit down and listen, and they're motor skills are not bad. got quite good brush control and can blend colours fairly well. :) met amanda's sis eleanor. and she kept insisting that she saw melissa when the only other person that's in the same church is sher! so weird. hah. i think i saw my niece for half a second before she ran away. and coincidentally, she's called melissa. ahah. i've yet to meet julia in school. so cute. heehee.

today has been a busy day. after pl, we had lunch, went to e's for a while to watch sher scan her ceramics pics, help her do some silly drawings of a cock and a heffalump, and try to troubleshoot the scanner and computer thingy but didnt know how, and finally went to school. i was perfectly on time for school. *claps*. how i wish everyday can be as busy as this. i love being busy throughout the day and feeling tired but satisfied and accomplished at night. i hate days when i stay at home all day. it's so meaningless. rarrr.

note: now is the time to build up my portfolio. it MUST be good.

have been doing silly things these days. i put my gate's remote control in my bag, and when i come home from school, i put my bag on my study chair. after awhile i'll start sitting on my bag. then suddenly the gate the gate will open. and it opened and closed a few times. hahaa. it took me quite long to realise that i was sitting on the remote control. ahaha. how stupid. tralala.
i cut my toe nail a bit too short. today at e's, i accidentally kicked the speaker or cpu which was under the table and was in great pain. how silly.
today i stupidly drank icelemon tea during lunch. it's so not good for how my stomach is right now. sigh!

i've been wondering what to do with my batik dye i had since sec3. if you've ideas, let me know ya! they're quite nice :) i'm in need of white acrylic paints. mine seems to have dried up already cos not much's left.

right. i'm off. gotta eat stuff. stomach doesnt feel good again. i seem to say this everyday. :(

2006-07-23T17:26:00.000+08:00

the days just keep getting worser and worser. heck if worser isnt a real word. sigh. i dread sundays afternoons more than saturday mornings and early afternoons. i feel so.....rarrrr.. and my stomach doesnt seem to like me anymore. fell asleep for a short while and dreamt of est leong, s and me together at a table after service. i dunno for what reason my cg made those cakes/puffs that they sell in delifrance. then a while later me and someone and sze sze went over to ask her to try them. cos got a few plates, then she use her chopstick to flip the other crossoints onto one plate. then 4 of us just decided to sit down and eat with esther. then she said they tasted like crystal jade. ????? heh so strange.

k i got to go. stomach is killing me. sigh. how bad can this get.

2006-07-22T23:08:00.000+08:00

sigh. today has been a so-so day. i dont quite like saturdays, except for cg, that is.
i'm so pekchek. sigh.
no one seems to care. so heck. i shall not care either. sigh.
it just gets more and more irritating. sigh.

my stomach's not getting better. gastricitis seems to be getting worse. gosh. sigh.this is bad.
i want to work more but my school timetable doesnt allow it. sigh. need more cash man.
cant wait for next november's holiday. the bad news is that it's more than one year later. which means my internship is coming soon. rarrr. holiday holiday holiday...

took this shot today after cg. it isnt very nice la. should have taken more building and less trees. but it's my first shot for my national day series that i plan to photograph randomly. managed only one shot cos lilin sher and janet were walking too fast in front of me. hah. had to catch up!

2006-07-22T00:50:00.000+08:00

today, for the second night, i beat all the guys who alighted at the same bus stop as me in walking into the estate. haha. yesterday there were 3 and today there were 2. and i managed to walk faster than them. yay! i simply love winning guys in doing things. even absolutely stupid things like this. haha. though this sounds very childish, but heck! as long as i won them. :) hah!

met s and an for dinner today. was quite fun. havent had such conversations for a very very very long time. i love it. can increase my general knowledge. we were discussing about driving and our holiday destination. ahah. i cant wait for it man! rarrr. i also cant wait for our big day to come! not that me and someone else are getting married. the big day is when we buy our cameras. !!!! which means parting with more money. rarrr. but it's a necessity. oh well. oh ya the barley at yakun actually doesnt taste that bad. hurhur.

i've been wanting to write lots of stuff here but i realise i cant and hence i feel quite pekchek about it. hmpf. really have been waiting for quite long already. rarrr. probably next week la. when we meet personally. really quite pekchek. okay.not quite. very.

yay i'm working again next week. it's good. forces me to plan my time properly in the mornings and of course my school work also. i like being busy. it seems to bring more meaning to life than staying at home all day waiting for time to pass before going to school. my work involves art. :) so naturally, it's more meaningful than working in like say, macs. you get to show children that art is actually not difficult at all. it doesnt matter whether you think you have the skills or not, so long as you've the confidence and you're not afraid to draw and paint, and then finally be proud of the end product. art brings joy and colour to the children's life. it definitely beats doing maths or chinese all day long. it's the only period where they're free to talk as they do their work. of course not when the instructor is talking la. it also help them to be more aware of their surroundings. one day they might just forget that leaves are green if all they do is to stare at their worksheets which has only four colours - white for the paper, black for the things printed on it, approx 80% grey if they're using a 2b pencil, and red. more red if they there're more mistakes. okay maybe they wont forget that leaves are green, but they wont realise that they're actually many different tints and shades of green. leaves are not monochromatic. the age of the leaf and time of the day determines what the colour of the leaf is. heh. i didnt really have many art lessons in primary school. cos over at aitong, the school's only interested in getting good results. therefore, art period, which is often taught by chinese teachers, is always used for more chinese lessons so that it can live up to its reputation as a sap school. now, times have changed. schools are engaging external instructors to teach their kids art. not only the children, but also to train the teachers in this aspect. think this a good move by them to promote the arts to children and even in the heartland. i dont quite know what the art syllabus in schools is like right now, or if there's even one. when i was in primary school, we drew stupid things, like chinese new year, or a day at the park, or my favourite cartoon character. i guess there wasnt really a syllabus. we just did whatever the teacher felt like asking us to do. these days there's einstein. the bald guy who hosts the kids central show cow and crayons. yes, he teaches the kids how to draw cute and nice things and even has a magazine. but at the end of the day, all the kids produce similar drawings. sometimes i dont know what's the point. it doesnt encourage the children to imagine, create and explore new ideas. sometimes children are so afraid to deviate(is it correct word and correct spelling?) from the original or make mistakes that they die die also must follow exactly how einstein draws then it'll be correct. this is totally not art at all la, though it involves drawing. hmpf.

right. enough said already. seh already.

yay cg tmr. i'm playing and i'm the chairperson:) yayye.

night lovely people!

2006-07-21T11:26:00.000+08:00

shall post some pics today. heh.

one of the smileys on my bag. i love retarded looking smileys like this one. gotta get a bag new one soon. heard from s that you can custom make crumplers somewhere in australia and either dorothy or diana's going there. we can get her to help us. wanna get the big bag that can put many things. haha. roughly thought of the design already. but havent gotten the monaye! $$ gotta work more. i'm only left with a measly 2 bucks this week. heh.thanks to printing my stuff and topping up of ez link card.

cookie [which i got for my birthday in sec 3 from marya and heidi] and i! small cookie on my left from grace serena and tammei for my birthday this year. moo on my extreme right from aunty kerine when i was tiny. i think when i was 1. there're so many things on my bed there's hardly enough space for myself. hehheh.

the sky yesterday evening after ceramics at unity pri.

mr daniel lam trying to prove to miss rachel [hidden in front of mr lam], miss khng and i that the seats in the middle carriages of the train are green cos he wanted to sit in the green section. yewtee mrt station.

again, the sky yesterday evening at unity pri.

marya's hair and green hairband with circles.

Marya with the book of hairstyles. heh.

heidi. haha. the look of content as she devours her nasi lemak at hougang point food court

ahma the celebrity. ahah yay!

2006-07-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

had things to do today. yay. what great timing. :) went to pl to mix paint for the painting class. only managed to mix 21 small containers of paint. then rushed with sher to unity for ceramics class. replaced angela i think, cos she's unwell. gosh she really looked unwell! hope she'll be better soon!! went with s for din. was okay but didnt say what i have been wanting to tell her for a long time. nehmind. othertime la. k i'm gonna go now. tired. took me half an hour to type this paragraph. i dont know if i'm supposed to go to pl tmr. rarrr!! dont like it man! means i cant plan my timeslots tomorrow morning. i'll probably go sch in the morning first la. so that the whole day would be free. yes. good idea. night.

2006-07-19T20:03:00.000+08:00

a happier post today. met MARYA BAM and HEIDI NWW after school. shall post some pics. heidi having a haircut. :)

heidi looking preetty after her haircut. this is the only picture 3 of us appear together in. haha.

this is how marya looks like whenever there's food in front of her, expecially durian ice kachang. slurp!

me. i seldom appear in photos.so there!

2006-07-18T21:15:00.000+08:00

i've been so tired lately. i feel so heavily burdened by things which i dont know what. it's stupid and tiring to keep thinking of so many things over and over again but i dont know what i'm thinking of. it's like creating layers and layers of thoughts in photoshop and then finally you click 'merge layers', and they become one, all compressed and stuck together. and suddenly the computer hangs and you cant close the window and you realise that layer is stuck there.
every step i take, it's as though more and more weights are being tied to my feet. like those you use for exercising. ironically, the weights are making me weaker and weaker instead of main purpose which is for strengthening legs. my arms are not spared. they're like being bound with the heavy metal chains use in the the movie the green mile.
i feel giddy. like i'm not here anymore. like i'm just a spirit floating around and no one sees me. it seems so surreal. like i'm in a dream. a very long dream. and i refuse to wake up. but the fact is that i'm in reality. sigh!
today has been bad. i dont ever want to go through today again. today, three things left me discouraged and demoralised despite my efforts. can you imagine? three! what a number. i tell myself, i havent been well. but i cant take it as an excuse. but.. sigh. what's my problem man.
i feel so lousy. i'm not good at anything at all. i'm not cut out for anything at all. i dont speak well. i dont write well. i dont know many things. i dont do maths well. neither am i good at other subjects. i dont draw well. i dont paint well. i dont get good ideas. i dont take photos well. i dont play any instruments well. i'm not good at computers. i dont know java script. i'm not good at html. i dont know programming. i'm not good at softwares. i dont run well. i dont sail well. i dont play ball games well. to sum it all up, i'm just not good at anything. i wonder what i'm going be in future when i'm just so lousy. sigh. sometimes i feel i dont do enough for the girls in my cg as much as i want to. sometimes i dont know how. what am i going to do next time when i eventually become a ....? i feel terrible, and lousy, and stupid.
i need help. i really do.

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when i think about the heavens, the moon and the stars, i wonder what You ever saw in me.