ok i am finally back after. ben says that my blog is becoming dusty already.

perhaps the biggest health thing i've had for the past 18 coming to 19 years of my life is my fainting on thursday. and because of that, i've got a nasty bump on my forehead because i was walking and my head hit a door. my health has been deteriorating quite rapidly. people say that it's because i've been doing too many things. maybe it's true. but i dont really feel it cos it has developed into a routine and everyday is just 'normal lor'. i'd very much like to give myself a break, but i hate to run away from my commitments - my cg, guitdg, ymca etc. sure you know what commitments are. i hate the feeling of having to back out when the meeting has already been set. bah.

my birthday's next sunday. i'm not particularly excited about it. this year the most important think i want is for my health to be restored. how's that for a birthday present from God. it feel totally sucky to be tired and shitty the whole day. there's only one reason to be excited about my birthday. it's cos it marks the beginning of my first official school holiday of the year. how kind of my school to give us a school holiday only in june and for only one month!!

the one thing that i fail terribly horrifically which all other girls ace is shopping. but it's also not my fault. i find it very difficult to walk into a shop and look for something which suits me cos whenever i walk into a shop, all the colours, patterns on the clothes, the music, the lighting overwhelm me and makes me feel dizzy. looking at so many things at one time gives me a headache sometimes the music makes it worse. i hate it when i've to flip the apparel in and out just to look for the size label and the price tag. that totally puts me off cos it causes me great inconvenience and chances are i wont buy that piece at all. why cant they freaking be more straight forward in informing people about the price so that we can make up our minds on the spot. another thing that puts me off is that i'm always under the watchful eye of the sales assistants that lurk in every corner of the shop. they watch our every movement like a cctv and rushes to the rescue when the shoe we've just placed back on the shelf is 1mm too much to the right. and do i need your assistance? thanks but no thanks. because you dun even know your products at all. thanks for trying to be helpful.

ok i better end this post before i become angrier.

1. today is labour's day, a public holiday. what is one day of labour day holiday compared to hundreds of other days slogging it out out there. bah.

oh i actually miss going to work!

2. last night i had a scintillating chat with my colleague about how to kill pests, which include lizards, cockroaches and of course, never ever ever fogetting the humongously enormous juicy snails that are always around to spy on you. now they all know that i'm a merciless snail killer :)

3. i havent settled on what i want to do for my photography class. we've 3 sets of readings to read and of which, i've only completed one. better be done before thursday comes!

4. may is such a birthday month, which inlcudes mine. :)

i'm quite pleased because yesterday i bought an illustration book from page one. the first since i last bought my sec 4 text books. yaye.

i think work has been getting better, or so i hope. i really thankGod for the favour from my boss and my colleagues. they're really nice people and i'm beginning to enjoy my time there, though i dun get paid peanuts, but peanut shells. i think it's quite rare that interns get to do real jobs, rather than just helping the others do their stuff.

i just read a book by torey hayden entitled ghost girl. and honestly, i'm a little disturbed by the content of it. basically it's about a little 8 years old girl who was sexually abused because of some satanic occult rituals i think. the way she described the sexual abuse are excruciatingly vivid and visual persons like me cant help but visualise it over and over again. oh man. and yes, there was a part where they made her lie down, topless, and they put her cat over her body. then someone pulled the cat's front legs and another pulled the backlegs until the cat was literally torn into two, with the guts spilling out and blood oozing all over her body and face. absolutely too grotesque and disgusting a sight to behold. but it was unsure if it really happened or it was just a hallucination because the girl was drugged and no evidence was found to support her claims. how terrible.

i led worship today, finally, after a few months long hiatus because i was always playing guit or was chairperson for the day. i was so worried that i didnt prepare enough for the technical aspect of it, but it doesnt matter, as long as our hearts are prepared for Him. its been a really long time since i felt the presence and love of God strong. i teared. i closed my eyes and peace and warmth overwhelmed me from within. i wish time just stood still. :)


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this afternoon i had a fun time making bread pizza over at ttm's. it was an imaginary cooking show but ttm said that if itwere to be for real, the show would surely be a failure because we were too slow and forgot to preheat the oven. hah!


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i love galavanting:)

i feel sian and lonely. the house feels strangely cold and empty without mom around. i really really miss her. )o: i miss all the funny antics and the things that she'll say in hokkien and the wrong things she'll say which are absolutely hilarious. bahh. if she doesnt get a flight back on the 24th, she'll have to come back only in may. bahh. on monday my dad's leaving for the land of sausages and beer - bauma, germany. that's like a double whammy! bahh. but the good thing about it is that i hope he comes back with sausages and beer. gosh i love beer :) yaye i'm no longer underaged. i'm oldd.

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sometimes i feel like i'm a replacement as a friend. i really hate this feeling. sometimes i try hard to make myself available but somehow i think some people take me for granted. maybe i should just start retreating back into my own shell and not come out unless they knock my dooor really really hard. i should start drawing my curtains shut once again because i try to be more open but people dun really care. so why bother. this sucks. totally. i need an escape.

today has been a great day! firstly because i learnt new things, and secondly because i got to go home really early. we left the office at 1 plus today and headed down to singapore press holdings in toapayoh for a workshop on how to prepare our files when we do ads used for print in newspapers. it was quite an eye opener cos i didnt know there were so many specifications to follow just for one add to be printed in the papers. i was also introduced to quite a handful of new prepress terms. quite surprised i didnt see anyone from my school though. i'll prollly see them next week at the adobe cs3 launch.

cant you believe it? i reached home at 510 today. isnt it great?!

i am disappointed and appalled.

God, why did it end up that way?

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God, be strong in my weakness.